


A Town Called Rhoda

by smalltrolven



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Other, Post-Apocalypse, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:01:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 24,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23991226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smalltrolven/pseuds/smalltrolven
Summary: It’s the end of the world, and Dean believes Sam is gone along with the rest of San Francisco. When the nukes began to fall they were separated by hundreds of miles, and now there’s no point. He tries his hardest to move on, living in a small town in the redwood forest of Northern California. This is the story of what happens when Sam eventually shows up after enduring an epic journey just to reach Dean.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Original Character(s), Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 57
Collections: SPN Dystopia Bang 2020





	A Town Called Rhoda

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings:Brief mentions of torture, enslavement.  
> Author’s Note:Not my characters, only my words. Written for the 2020 [spn-dystopia-bang](https://spndystopiabang.tumblr.com). I found this to be a great [reference](https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/magazine/sex-with-the-non-binary-person-even-when-that-person-is-you-maya/) for nonbinary sex info and this for a good reference for using they/them/their correctly. Sam’s horse, Poppy is a Bashkir Curly. A million thanks go to jd171 for the awesome beta work on this story.   
> Be sure and check out the [awesome art masterpost right here.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23967787)  
> 

*****THEN*****

The nicest Leviathan that we ever knew, was how the brothers always remembered her. Eleanor Visayak had left her beautiful house in San Francisco to Bobby, as well as her cabin in the redwood forest a few hours north of San Francisco. Those two homes and all of her money were thus redirected over to Sam and Dean when Bobby passed away, because Bobby’s will had left everything to the brothers. Hell of a way to come into “family money” but that’s how weird their lives had always been.

The lawyers dealing with Eleanor Visayak’s estate had gone through hell trying to find the brothers. Probate had taken years and years, and by then the boys were ensconced in the bunker, and mostly off the grid. The lawyers had finally found a PO Box address in some of Bobby’s papers and sent one last communication to the brothers. Sam and Dean happened to stop by one of their oldest original post office boxes, the only one that they’d thought to prepay for ten years. It was on the way back from a case and they needed to stop for the night anyway. After getting a motel and some dinner, they stopped in to see if there was anything in the box and amongst all the junk mail and a few issues of Dean’s old subscription to Busty Asian Beauties, there was a big, thick envelope with a return address from a law firm in San Francisco.

All of a sudden, the brothers had to decide whether to sell their new properties or go try to live in them. It was strange to realize that there were so many options spread out before them, kind of like they were regular people all of a sudden. It was almost overwhelming after all these years being at war, huddled up in the bunker, lives intertwined just to survive it all. They could split up, stay together, Sam could go back to school in the San Francisco Bay Area. Dean suggested he try to get back into Stanford law school and finish his degree. After a whole lot of angst trying to live together in Eleanor’s house in San Francisco, they decided to split up for a while, just to see how it went.

Sam continued living in the house in San Francisco, and instead of Stanford ended up at the University of California, Hastings Law School, a much closer commute. Sam was excited to dive back into school and really enjoyed living in San Francisco. It wasn’t enough of a substitute for not having Dean around of course, he missed him like crazy, but he knew that Dean was trying his best to let him go. That’s what the moving to Rhoda thing was all about. It didn’t matter what Sam wanted or needed. Dean thought it was best, that Sam deserved better or some crazy thing like that. Sam didn’t want him to let go, he always wanted to stay with Dean, but if Dean really didn’t want him enough to get over his issues, then he needed to actually let go all the way.

Dean didn’t like living in a big city, it was just too much after getting used to small towns and the intimacy of the bunker. He took to spending more and more weekends and then weeks away at the cabin which was in a teeny town named Rhoda in the middle of the Mendocino forest. He proposed a compromise after a few months of commuting. He was much happier living in Rhoda and Sam was obviously happier in San Francisco. The two places were far enough away that they could have their own separate lives. They could actually try to make their own friends but still be able to easily see each other when they wanted to. Dean was trying his hardest to finally let Sam go live his own life. He knew Sam didn’t agree, his brother really didn’t want a separate life, he wanted Dean to be in it with him. But Dean couldn’t bring himself to think he deserved that sort of happy ending (or Sam for that matter).

They got together in San Francisco for the Christmas holidays and Dean made an offhand comment about them maybe trying to get back together because he missed being with Sam. Sam blew up at him (mostly because of work and school stress) and told Dean that he couldn’t do it anymore. He said that he knew they belonged together, but Dean really didn’t know. Because he kept changing his mind and jerking Sam around. Sam told Dean that it meant that they were over, he couldn’t keep going back and forth. Sam didn’t see how he could make it work to fit a maybe relationship with Dean in the new life he was working so hard on making for himself when Dean didn’t even want to be in it. Maybe later they could work it out, but Sam didn’t have the bandwidth to deal with it on top of school and his job.

Dean just left after that big blowup, without really having the fight. It probably made Sam even more angry to cut and run, but he couldn’t come up with an answer. He didn’t really have one. It was stupid to run, but it was too late to go back, once he was already over the Golden Gate Bridge. Too much pride, mixed up possessiveness, a lifetime of everything they’d fought through and survived together. Maybe Sam was right, it was finally time to try it on his own.

Then a couple days after Dean had gotten back to Rhoda, and was almost over the epic hangover from his two-day post-fight-drunk-fest, several nukes from North Korea hit the West Coast on New Year’s Eve. One nuke landed right in the middle of San Francisco, in the middle of the night when Sam would definitely be at home. When he heard the news Dean was paralyzed with grief at the certain loss of his brother. Demoralized by Sam’s death, he just stayed put in Rhoda, because what was the point? He knew that it was a direct hit and the entire city had been flattened, there were no survivors in San Francisco as far as anyone knew. Then pretty much immediately after that, there was no more news coming from the South, martial law was soon established, there were no more media reports and right after that there were no more radio broadcasts.

Dean tuned out the initial breakdown of society because it was too hard to think about. He couldn’t help but think that if only they’d stayed together through to New Year’s Day like they’d planned, then maybe he’d be dead too, instead of left behind to mourn and what—try to move on? Yeah right, like that was gonna happen. Instead he had left like a pissy little bitch, didn’t stay and fight for what he needed and wanted. And now Sam was dead and there were no more second chances. No more demon deals to be made or angel solutions or reaper interventions available, dead was dead for now and forever.

Dean had a lot of work to do on the cabin, to shore it up in case things got even worse in the outside world, so he mostly focused on that. He put all his effort into working on installing a series of low-tech perimeter alarms, like trip lines that would work well on humans. He was no longer worrying about the supernatural baddies they’d fought over the course of their hunting lives. Chuck had said all that was over before he had left them the world and taken the angels along with him.

The end of the world as the brothers knew it happened and their attempt at having separate regular lives had ended with it. Dean knew that Sam was gone, and there was no way for him to contact Dean even if he had survived. No cell phones worked. No land lines either. There was something about an EMP that fried everything up to a certain point. The post office was no longer a thing. At least the roads were still mostly there—for now. But the remaining gas had to be scavenged or fought over. He was really glad he installed those solar panels last year and hoped they kept working. If he had to be stuck in this post-apocalyptic hell at least he had hot water—for now.

*****NOW****

Late one lovely warm August night, eight months after the nukes had wiped out both his brother and the city that Sam had come to love, Dean awoke when he heard an unexpected noise in his cabin. None of the perimeter alarms had gone off, so it was obviously someone who knew how to be careful. And that likely meant trouble. He grabbed the gun out from under his pillow and sat up slowly so the old brass bed frame wouldn’t squeak like it usually did. He was really glad Blair wasn’t staying over here tonight.

Dean stood up, eyes straining in the dark, and heard a footstep in the hall. He was close to the bedroom door when it opened. Dean launched himself at the large figure and wrassled them down to the floor, losing hold of his gun in the process. They tussled back and forth, fighting for control. He finally had the dude pinned when the moonlight from the window highlighted his attacker’s face. Somehow, it was Sam. His brother was bearded and wild-eyed and a fucking beautiful sight to behold.

“Dean?”

“Fuck, Sammy? Is it really you? How, I mean—what the hell?” Dean asked, gasping for breath from the tussle. He was apparently more than a little out of practice with sparring.

“Yeah, Dean it’s me. I wasn’t there in San Francisco when it all happened. After you left me that day, the last day we talked, I left too. I went down early to Los Angeles for a conference for school and the nukes didn’t all go off there like they did in San Francisco.” Sam gulped in a breath after all the explaining.

‘I had no idea about LA, we haven’t gotten much word from down south in a while, figured it was all pretty much gone.”

"It took me this long just to get to you. I’m so sorry, I tried to get here sooner, I really did. I knew you’d be worried. I’m so sorry, Dean,” Sam said, pushing his long hair out of his eyes.

“Sorry…worried? Fuck, I wasn’t worried, I thought you were dead, dude. I mean—I knew you were,” Dean said. “No one survived as far as I heard. No one, even as far down as Palo Alto. I mean—I didn’t even bother to go down there and search for you, because I just thought…”

“I know, and I’m glad you didn’t because I wasn’t even there when the bombs fell. But I knew you would probably think I was dead, that’s why I had to do everything possible to get here, because I didn’t want you to think that for one second more than you had to. I’m so sorry, Dean. You have no idea how bad it is out there.”

“I can imagine. I’ve only gone as far as Arcata, and there were a bunch of checkpoints, with National Guard and rationing and the whole bit. And that was a month ago.”

“Yeah, it’s gotten worse. Last I heard, the electric grid isn’t back up yet. And the gas supplies were almost gone because they can’t refine it, much less transport it.”

“How’d you get all the way here from LA?” Dean asked, finally realizing that he was still straddling his brother on the floor. His hands were on Sam’s chest and they shouldn’t be, not like that, not anymore. No matter how much of a miracle his brother’s survival was, he couldn’t go there and do that again. Dean knew he’d be the one to not survive what Sam would do to him again. He’d barely made it through the last time. He kneed his way off of Sam and helped him up to a sitting position. The light from the moonlight outside was still highlighting him, as overgrown and hairy as he was, he was still the most beautiful sight Dean thought he’d ever seen.

Sam seemed to know there was a lot going on in Dean’s mind and didn’t answer for a moment until they both got used to not being slammed together on the floor.

“A combination, a private plane got me as far as Vegas before they shut down the air travel coming out of California. Then I had to wait until they started running the buses again, I found some work to make some cash. I took one of the last buses up Highway 395 to Reno before all the diesel supplies had run out. Then it was a lot of hitchhiking and actual hiking to get to Red Bluff. I’m just glad it was summer, I wouldn’t have wanted to get over the pass in the winter. I did the last bit here to Rhoda on a horse that I traded the last of my money for.”

Dean noticed that Sam didn’t elaborate on many of the details, so who knows what he really did. At some point he knew he’d have to try to get the full story out of Sam. “Hold on, you…you rode a horse all the way up here from Red Bluff?”

“Yeah, it took three days of hard riding but I got here. I’ve got her tied up to your front porch, wasn’t sure exactly where to put her.”

“She can bunk in with Baby if she won’t kick or anything,” Dean said.

“Nah, Poppy’s a good girl, and she’s pretty pooped after all those miles, not up to much kicking I’d imagine. I just need some water for her. You got anything outside I could use to fill up for her?”

“Yeah, let’s go get her settled,” Dean said, standing up all the way. “Let me grab us a couple flashlights.” He got the one he always kept by his bed, and shone his way to the kitchen where there were several on a shelf by the door. He picked a pink one for Sam and handed it to him with a grin. “Let’s go see this girl that got you here.”

Sam preceded him out the door and Dean was amazed to see how wide his brother’s shoulders had gotten since he’d last seen him. Since the last time—back when he’d thought they might have a chance at putting themselves all the way back together. But that was a while ago and it hadn’t been what Sam wanted, that’s what he said the last time Dean had tried to ask. Dean internally slapped himself, _At least Sam’s alive ya idjit!_

Poppy stood at the porch railing, shifting from side to side in the moonlight, she huffed when Sam approached. He rubbed his face against hers and spoke to her softly. Dean thought he heard Sam saying thank you. Leave it to his brother to be talking to his horse.

“You gonna introduce us or what?” Dean asked, still standing on the porch.

“Sorry, I was just thanking her for getting me here…to you. Dean this is Poppy, she’s a Bashkir Curly and is pretty much my new best friend.”

“Poppy, it’s nice to meet you, even though apparently I’ve been replaced in the best friend department,” Dean said, running a hand through her mane. “You’re beautiful, and you really are curly. I’ve never seen a curly horse like you. I wish I had an apple or something handy for you.”

“She’ll just be happy with a big bucket of water, I’ve still got some of the feed she came with when I bought her.”

“I have a big pasture she’s welcome to browse if she wants, the chickens are in for the night.”

“ _You_ have chickens? Since when?” Sam asked, sarcasm coming through loud and clear.

Dean considered how to answer as he walked towards the hose bib at the corner of the house and found the wide metal bucket he kept for washing his garden vegetables. He started filling it up, the sound of the water pouring into the metal bucket suddenly very loud in the quiet night. This wasn’t only about chickens of course, but even a sarcastic question like that deserved a real answer. “Since I wanted some freaking scrambled eggs for breakfast, and there weren’t any in the one store we have in town and I didn’t feel like getting out all the way to Arcata for them. A friend got me some chicks this spring. They’re pretty funny really, real characters, and man—fresh eggs are the best. Just wish that bacon was still a regular thing I could get my hands on. There’s a guy down the valley that does some hog raising and bacon production, but it’s a precious commodity these days.”

“Mmmm, bacon, I vaguely remember that,” Sam said.

“Oh, so now you’re a bacon aficionado, about time,” Dean said with his own answering sarcasm. “Here, this is full now, should I bring it to her, or do you want to walk her over?” Dean asked, moving the full and very heavy bucket away from the hose which had a tendency to drip. He didn’t think Poppy would like getting her ears dripped on while she drank.

Sam stepped back to Poppy and untied her from the porch rail. He led her over toward Dean’s waving flashlight and showed her the bucket with his own. She immediately dove in and started drinking it up. Once she finished she looked up at Dean like she was saying thanks and then leaned her head on Sam’s shoulder.

“Aww, she’s so cuddly,” Dean said, charmed by the sight of his giant brother cuddling with his big curly horse. He scratched at her ears to get in on the action.

“She’s a real sweetheart, she put up with my learning how to ride her well on the way here. A lot of horses would have thrown me and gone on their own way,” Sam said.

“She doesn’t have shoes?” Dean asked, refiling the bucket.

“Yeah, this breed doesn’t need them apparently. Seemed good since I don’t know if there’s a lot of blacksmiths left around.”

“I know there’s some people who do metalworking in the area, but not sure about blacksmiths specifically. C’mon, let’s get her settled down in the garage barn.” Dean led the way across the gravel driveway, Sam followed with Poppy on her lead in one hand and the refilled bucket in the other hand.

“What’s she need for the night?” Dean asked.

“Pretty much just a place to lay down, and a little of her food. Is it okay if I leave the bucket in here too, in case she’s still thirsty?”

“Yeah, that’s fine. I have more buckets around. I think this area here by the workbench is the biggest clear spot. She won’t get hurt by any of the sharp stuff, right?” Dean shone the flashlight over all the tools and buckets of nails spread out on the workbench.

“Nah, she’ll be sleeping, won’t you girl?” Sam asked as Poppy made herself comfortable eating out of the feedbag.

“I wish I had a light I could leave on for her out here,” Dean said.

“She’s used to traveling in the dark, it’s no big deal,” Sam said.

“You rode in the dark too?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, I knew you needed to know I was still…you know, alive. Like I said, I had to get here as fast as I could,” Sam said.

“I’m…damn, I’m so glad you’re here, Sammy,” Dean said, grabbing Sam in for a hug. He tried and failed not to notice the new muscles that Sam was now packing. Sam tucked his head into Dean’s neck somehow making himself small enough to hug. Dean never figured out how he did that, but he was glad for the moment of closeness. The relief was just hitting him, the sudden joy too. “Dude! You’re really here, you’re alive!” Dean whooped.

Sam laughed and Poppy made a horse noise that sounded like a slightly sarcastic snort.

Sam hugged him back so hard and strong that it took Dean’s breath away. In that moment Dean didn’t ever want to let him go. Like ever _ever_ _ever_ _._ “Never do that to me again, dude.”

“Promise,” Sam said, speaking the word into the skin of Dean’s neck where it sank in and began to rearrange things inside him. The scratch of Sam’s wild beard as he spoke adding to Dean’s sensation of being marked and changed.

Dean shivered with all the feelings and reluctantly pushed them apart. He couldn’t go there or do that again, not to his heart, no matter how much he wanted to, and Sam obviously wanted to, oh boy yippee, yet another one-eighty. There was someone else he was involved with now, and he didn’t want to have to explain about Blair being in his life to Sam right now, at least not yet.

“Good night, Poppy, I’ll see you in the morning,” Sam said.

It sounded like every other time Sam had had a pet when he was a kid, it threw Dean back into the past, into his memories of raising the boy into this giant man. All those times Sam had cried because they’d had to leave behind whatever stray dog or cat he’d managed to sneak into their motel of the week. And all that time in the bunker where Sam had wished they’d had the time to get a dog or something, but they never managed to find the time. He’d been surprised Sam hadn’t gotten a dog when he lived in San Francisco, and he’d asked him at one point on one of their many long phone calls. Sam had said he worked too much so he felt that it wouldn’t have been fair to the dog. Dean knew he meant that about more than just the dog so he’d dropped the conversation there.

“Night, Poppy,” Dean said.

Sam and Dean walked back to the cabin, bumping hips and shoulders just like they used to, falling into step naturally like no time at all had passed. The familiarity of it gave Dean’s heart a little squeeze that made him almost stumble. Sam caught his elbow and paused.

“You okay?” Sam asked, briefly squeezing his arm and then letting go. Their hands brushed together and Dean felt a shock of recognition, of what he’d been missing.

“Yeah, mostly, still a shock that you’re here,” Dean said, continuing to walk back towards the cabin.

“You’re glad though, right?” Sam asked from behind him, he hadn’t started walking again. Dean flashed his light towards Sam and saw that his head was down and his shoulders were drooping.

“Of course I am, it’s just a shock that you’re back, it’s gonna take time to really realize you’re not a smoking nuclear corpse,” Dean said.

“Okay, okay, sorry. I knew it was going to be a surprise me just showing up here, I’m sorry,” Sam said.

“You really need to stop saying you’re sorry. I’m sorry that you were thinking I wasn’t happy that you’re alive and here and all,” Dean said.

“You’re right, no battle of the sorries is necessary here. You got anything to drink inside?” Sam asked, walking past Dean and striding the rest of the way to the cabin. His boots clunked on the porch, echoing in the silence of the night.

Dean looked up at the stars for a moment, asking them to give him strength, to keep the peace, to keep his heart in one piece. He got the cabin door open and waved Sam in with his flashlight. He lit the gas lantern on the kitchen counter and pulled out two small glasses and a nearly full bottle of whisky.

“You still have whisky left? I’m actually surprised,” Sam said.

“I’d just stocked up, there was a big sale on cases at BevMo in Arcata the week before…you know, Boom-Day,” Dean said, pouring them each a double slug in the glasses. He slid one over to Sam across the counter.

“Is that what we’re officially calling it?” Sam sat on the barstool and raised his glass. “To surviving Boom-Day.”

Dean raised his own and clinked glasses with Sam. They both watched each other finish off their glass. Dean couldn’t help but notice the whole Adam’s apple thing on Sam much as he tried not to, it was such a visceral reminder of how Sam looked when they—not going there, he reminded himself. “Why, what did other people call it the places where you were?”

“A bunch of different things, but there wasn’t one that stuck with me, mostly people were just trying to make it to the next day.”

“Same here really, we’re still trying to figure out if nuclear winter is a thing that’s going to happen or not.”

“It most likely has started already, based on what I picked up in Reno. There was a big initial response of nukes from our side, and then China and some from India and Pakistan went off too. There were rumors about Russia and Israel too. Basically the whole world got in on the fun.”

“Shit, so it wasn’t just us on the West Coast then,” Dean said. “I was kinda hoping there was still a rest of the world going on out there without us as usual somewhere.”

“Sorry,” Sam said, looking down into the depths of his empty glass

Dean poured them both another slug and grimaced as he downed his. He noticed Sam’s eyes were on him, flicking down to his own Adam’s apple. At least it wasn’t just him, but this was going to make it even harder.

“I’m glad to be out of the cities, the descent of humanity when the power goes off is not pretty.”

“What happened, Sammy?”

“There were…uh, slave camps being established. All the workers for the non-functioning casinos had been rounded up. They tried to put me in one since I wasn’t a Nevadan. Let’s just say they really have it in for people from California. I never understood it, but they blamed us for the whole nuke thing happening.”

“But you got away, I mean…obviously since you’re here now,” Dean said.

“Yeah, I did, but I had to do some shit I don’t really want to talk about,” Sam said, looking down at the counter where his hands clenched over and over as if remembering a lot of fighting.

Dean put one hand on top of Sam’s clenched fists. “That’s okay, you tell me when you’re ready. You did what you had to do to get to me, and I’m glad for it, alright?”

Sam looked up at him finally, eyes wet with unshed tears. Sam’s hands unclenched and wound themselves together with Dean’s. “Thanks, Dean.”

Dean nodded and didn’t say anything, couldn’t over the lump in his throat. It must have been really really bad out there. He honestly wasn’t sure he wanted to know all the details.

“I didn’t want to leave things how they were between us, I was a real jerk the last time we talked and I didn’t want you to think that of me, on top of thinking I was dead too. It just didn’t seem right, you know?”

“I get it, I do. But was it really worth it to get here, all the shit you just told me?” Dean asked.

Sam just raised his eyebrows and didn’t answer, kept holding Dean’s hand entwined with his.

Dean knew he shouldn’t have asked such a dumb question. “What was it about how we left things that you wanted to change?” Dean asked.

“Pretty much everything,” Sam said.

Dean laughed, and pulled his hand out of Sam’s grip. He was hurting so much inside that it was the only thing he could do to try and hide it. “You made yourself pretty damn clear, Sammy. I didn’t fit in your shiny new life.”

“Well, I was wrong, so wrong, you have no idea. Turned out that my shiny new life sucked, mostly because you weren’t in it,” Sam said. “And I was just about to come up here and tell you. I had decided when I was at the school thing in LA that I’d had enough of staying apart from you. It wasn’t working.”

“What wasn’t working?”

“Everything, none of it made sense without you. I was trying so hard to force it to, and it just wasn’t possible,” Sam said.

“You should have stayed in LA, would’ve been better for you,” Dean said.

“You don’t really mean that,” Sam said. “Not after what I just told you I did to get here.”

“Sam, I appreciate all of that, I really do. And I’m really glad that you’re alive. But you made it damn clear before that you didn’t want me in your life. And I rearranged my head for that, you know? It wasn’t easy, but I did it.”

“And how about your heart? Are you able to rearrange that too?” Sam asked.

“You don’t have to be such a dick about it,” Dean snarled.

“I’m not…I didn’t mean,” Sam said, holding up his hands. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed you’d want—well, anything to do with me like that again.”

“It’s not that, I’m just…there’s—I’m with someone now,” Dean said.

“Who, I mean where, they’re here, right now?” Sam asked, looking around the room to find the hidden person.

“No, they’re not here right now. They live here in Rhoda, and we’ve been seeing each other for just like a few months now,” Dean said.

“I see, okay, so you moved on, that’s…unexpected, but it’s good. I’m glad for you, Dean. I don’t want to mess things up for you. That’s not why I came. Is there a place I can stay, just for a little while?”

“Yeah, I got the second cabin on the property all fixed up, I was going to try and Airbnb it next summer. Guess that’s not really a thing anymore, so you’re more than welcome to it. I’m not using it at all.”

“Thanks, I swear this is…it’s only going to be temporary. I’ll move on once I figure out what to do next. Don’t want to cramp your style or whatever,” Sam said with a grimace, gone all prickly again.

“Don’t be like that, c’mon, it’s not my fault. I thought you were dead, Sammy. And for what, a few months before that, I thought, no I knew that you didn’t want me. I believed you when you told me that. You told me to move on, and I did the best I could.”

“I…I know I did, and I was trying to mean it then, I really did, I thought it was the best thing for you. It wasn’t fair to jerk you around while I made up my mind. But then all this happened, and the whole time I was trying to get to you, I built it all up in my imagination. That you’d be here waiting for me, still hoping I’d come back to you somehow, and then we’d just…be together. It’s dumb I know, really dumb to believe in any happily ever after bullshit, but it’s what got me through all of it, just the hoping.”

Dean couldn’t really say anything to all that. Like Sam said, it was dumb, happily ever after bullshit, at least they both knew it. “C’mon, let’s get you situated for the night. I need to get up early tomorrow.”

Dean led the way out of the kitchen to his bedroom, grabbed some sleep gear out of his dresser and tossed it to Sam who followed close behind. He got a few blankets out of the hall closet and arranged them on the comfy couch in front of the banked fire in the hearth, all with Sam close on his heels.

“We’ll work on getting the other cabin set up for you tomorrow when I come back from town,” Dean said. “But for tonight, this should be okay, the couch is almost long enough for you, gigantor.”

Sam elbowed him for the gigantor comment. “Where are you going tomorrow?” Sam asked, looking like a little kid clutching the sleep clothes in his hands.

“Weekly barter meet-up down in town, got to go trade for my supper,” Dean said.

“Can I come with you?” Sam asked.

“No, better not, this meeting was already going to be dicey because supplies are running so low. A new person showing up in the town all of a sudden will unbalance everything, one more mouth to feed and all that. I need to take the temperature and see how to handle things.”

“And the person you’re seeing, they’ll be there?” Sam asked, carefully using a gender-neutral term since Dean hadn’t specified yet.

“Yeah, they will,” Dean said, meeting Sam’s eyes as steady and steely as he could manage.

“Are you going to tell them about me showing up, introduce me or whatever?” Sam asked, emphasis on the _them_.

“Eventually, yeah of course,” Dean said. “I’m sure Blair will be real glad to meet you.”

“Good, I’ll be happy to meet them. Thanks for letting me crash on your couch,” Sam said.

“Sammy, thanks for not being dead and for getting your butt here to show me that,” Dean said, grabbing Sam in for another hug. This time it was a long one, a welcome-back-from-the-dead hug, they’d unfortunately had a little too much practice with this type. It was a full body thing where they wrapped themselves around each other and held on so tightly it left a physical mark. One of those marks you could check on to make sure it was really real. He knew he would need that in the morning, and so would Sam.

“Thanks for still being here so I could find you, Dean,” Sam said, whispering the words into the skin of Dean’s neck, lips and tongue and breath so hot and wet and perfect.

Dean held in the groan of desire that almost escaped him and unwound himself from Sam. It wasn’t happening, he couldn’t let it happen. “Night, Sammy,” Dean said, making a quick exit to his bedroom. He shut the door and leaned against it, listening to the sounds of Sam settling in for a night on his old and quite lumpy couch. He spread himself out on the old brass bed slowly, hoping it wouldn’t squeal and squeak, and briefly imagined how it would protest if Sam were in here too. No—not happening, not this time, not ever again.

He had a hard time falling asleep, even with all the whisky, he was so wound up with the shock and excitement of Sam’s arrival. There was so much to think about and plan and worry about. He let it all circle around a few times and finally gave up on solving anything, slowly drifting off into a sleep where he had a dream where he was carrying Sam on his back up the mountain trail on his property, to show him the way to Blair’s house. The whole time Sam was on his back, he got lighter and lighter until he was maybe a six year old, tousled hair and mischievous grin back on his face. Not worrying about nuclear winter or Boom-Day or anything but being a little brother fully focused on hero worshipping his big brother.

~**~*~*~*~

Dean woke up at first light, as usual, and watched Sam sleeping on the couch for a while. He really was still here, it wasn’t a dream.Dean made them some breakfast as quietly as he could manage, but it was all kind of one room. Sam woke up slowly, stretching and groaning on the couch.

“What’s that I’m smelling?” Sam croaked from the couch.

“Breakfast, get your ass in here if you want it warm. Don’t have the juice for the microwave so I got rid of the thing.”

Sam stood up and stretched, and Dean couldn’t believe how he felt seeing Sam dressed in his clothes. It was familiar and possessive and he almost let himself go the usual route of letting himself get turned on. But it had to be different between them, it was the only way he was going to survive.

Sam perched on one of the barstools next to Dean and ate the steaming bowl of oatmeal Dean had given him. The wild berries he’d collected the other day from the brushy part of his property went really well with oatmeal.

“You even have coffee, how?” Sam asked.

“I was buying in bulk so I had a bunch on hand when it all went down. But there’s not much of my stash left, better enjoy it,” Dean said.

“Hard to imagine a world without coffee, isn’t it?”

“Hard to imagine a lot of things, yeah. It’s gonna suck,” Dean said.

“Wonder if you could grow tea up here? At least you’d get the caffeine fix that way.”

“Yeah it does grow here, actually it does really well. Blair’s mom already had a few plants in her garden. She’s going to give me some cuttings and I’m going to try to propagate it. Since there’s so much cleared-out land up here on my land, it makes sense. Tea plants like a lot of sun apparently.”

“Hard to imagine you turning into a tea drinker, much less a tea grower,” Sam said with a laugh.

“Dark times call for growth, Sammy,” Dean said, joining him in laughing. It felt good to get to laugh out loud with him, it had been too long. He couldn’t remember the last time Sam and he had laughed together before Boom-Day, there’d been so much tenseness and squabbling, not a lot of opportunities for joy, much less laughter.

“I already got a shower, but there should still be hot water,” Dean said.

“You have hot water, no way!” Sam said, possibly more excited than he should be, but then who knew how long it’d been for him.

“There is, thanks to the solar panel installation I put in last summer,” Dean said.

“I had no idea you’d gone solar. You were a hell of a lot more ready for this off-grid living than me.”

“City boy, go on, get yourself cleaned up,” Dean says, picking up both of their bowls and turning to the sink.

Sam’s hands were suddenly on his waist, Dean wanted more than anything to lean back into his brother’s body and rest there. He didn’t respond, kept washing the bowls and waited to see what Sam would do.

“This city boy is very thankful for you,” Sam said in a husky voice, his hands moved up to encircle Dean and give him a hug from behind.

Dean let himself enjoy the brief hug, but he didn’t really respond, much less turn and embrace Sam like he really wanted to.

Sam stepped away and Dean eventually heard the shower start up. His heart started beating right again and he took a deep breath, gazing out the window at the open pasture. This was going to be hard work to keep himself from just falling into Sam and giving himself up to him again, no matter the consequences. But he had to do it, he owed it to Blair, and to his own sanity. 

Dean got packed up with what he needed for the meeting in town, saddlebags packed on his electric motorcycle with all the stuff he could trade. Excess tools from the workshop, clothing that Eleanor had left behind in her closet and some of the last of his coffee stash.

“So this is your vehicle of choice now?” Sam asked, walking in long strides from the cabin.

Dean looked up and watched him approach, sun rising behind him, his crazy hair slicked back from the shower, beard trimmed to less of a mountain-man bush. He looked like a supermodel on a shoot for Ralph Lauren or something, it was nuts how beautiful Sam was, even after everything he’d probably gone through just to get there.

Sam’s lips quirked up in a smile, and Dean knew he’d shown too much. He looked back down at his saddlebags and readjusted them even though they were perfectly fine.

“Yeah, a bunch of us in town got into this early last summer. We had a group project where we figured out the best way to convert the gas engines over and modify everything. It was a hoot, sawzalling up the engines, soldering shit back together, working out the gearing and everything. But it’s a sweet ride, quiet, and easy to re-charge on my solar.”

“My brother the prepper, who knew?”

“Oh you love it, city boy. Listen, I gotta get going soon, but c’mon, I’ll show you the cabin first. And you can let Poppy out into the pasture too,” Dean waited while Sam brought Poppy out of the garage.

“How’d she do out here last night?” Dean asked.

“Seems fine, at least there were no dents in your car,” Sam reported.

Dean led the way towards the other cabin, grabbing up a bucket and some treats for the chickens. Poppy and Sam followed, on their way they passed the chicken coop. Dean let his flock out, where they milled around their feet, grumbling and pecking at Dean until he threw out some feed.

“Meet my girls, this aggressive one is Cersei, her sidekick is of course, Sansa. Galadriel, Arwen, Daenerys, and Arya usually stick together. Oh and here’s the stragglers, Anna Nicole and Lucy.”

“They’re beautiful, so black and shiny, almost like the Impala,” Sam said, grinning from ear to ear. 

The small flock with their glossy black plumage gleaming in the morning sunshine milled around Sam’s legs. It made a nice picture, especially with Sam’s genuine amusement.

“I love how the black is almost green too, and their combs are so red. Never thought of chickens as being beautiful.”

Dean barely stopped himself from commenting on what else was beautiful out here this morning. He was glad he didn’t get teased about the chicken names, Blair had already given him enough shit for a lifetime on that subject.

“Go ahead, you get the eggs while I’m feeding them,” Dean said, pointing at the side of the coop and handing him the bucket. Sam dropped Poppy’s lead. Dean figured she’d stick around without being tied up to anything. She seemed interested in the chickens swarming around her legs. He watched as Sam lifted up the clever door on the back of the coop and reached inside, slowly filling the bottom of the bucket with eight eggs.

“Eight eggs,” Sam said. “So, it’s one a day from each of them?”

“Not usually, I can count on five most mornings. But they’re still pretty young.”

“What kind are they?”

“Black Australorps, goofy breed name, huh?”

“They’re beautiful and I think they like Poppy,” Sam said, pointing at two of the chickens who were rubbing their heads on the top of Poppy’s hooves and around her ankles.

“Let’s put her out here in the pasture, where the grass is the highest. I think the fence is solid all the way around. Maybe you should check it though while I’m gone.”

Sam unhooked Poppy’s lead from her halter and patted her. “I’ll check it out, sure. You go on and have a good breakfast, girl.” He shut the gate behind him.

Dean looked back at his property, trying to see it through Sam’s eyes. Both of the cabins that Eleanor had left them were on the small side, along with about one hundred acres of third-growth redwoods and mixed forest. About five acres was fairly well cleared and set up for planting. There was the barn with three stalls, attached to a garage/workshop with woodworking tools that Dean had completely mastered. He’d done a lot of work over the years he’d lived here. He’d even started doing custom woodworking for people in Rhoda and nearby towns all the way up to Arcata, which was considered the “big time” for that sort of thing in the area.

As he led Sam into the cabin he had offered him the use of last night, Dean thought about how this place was supposed to be used. Back then he’d put the majority of his time into fixing up the intended-for-Airbnb cabin, hoping to make the money back that he invested. Dean had outfitted it with an all-new modern kitchen and bath. It also had a big picture window that overlooked the bend in the river that his property included. All the new interior woodwork had been done by Dean, and Sam had no idea at first that this was all his brother’s doing.

  
“Whoever you got to do this woodworking really knows their shit,” Sam said, smoothing one hand over the nearly invisible joins in the gleaming new stairway banister.

“Thanks, that’s nice of you to say so,” Dean said with a smirk.

“No way, you did all this yourself?” Sam asked, raising his eyebrows in surprise and suspicion.

“What, did you think I was doing with my time up here? I wasn’t sitting around pining after you,” Dean said.

“No, I didn’t think that, but you never said you’d learned how to do all this. It’s fucking amazing.”

“You never asked,” Dean said, cutting himself off from bitching about all the other things Sam should have been asking him about on the phone.

“I should have,” Sam said. “You always asked me about how school and teaching was going, and I just blabbed and assumed you’d speak up if you wanted to share something.”

“You assumed?” Dean asked. “C’mon, Sam, I taught you better than that, what’s all that assuming do? Makes an ass outta you and me.”

“Now you’re quoting the Bad News Bears to me. Look, I shouldn’t have assumed any of that. I mean, I know you have trouble talking about anything that’s important to you. And the way things were between us, it was even harder. I’m an idiot, I know that now, okay?”

“It’s about time I get to hear those words,” Dean said, trying to hold back a laugh.

“I’m sorry. I know I’ve said that too many times already, but I really am, Dean, for all of it.”

“I know, I get it, stop apologizing, it’s already getting old, and start unpacking and get yourself moved in,” Dean said.

“I can really just stay in here? It’s all new and fancy, don’t you want to live in this cabin yourself?”

“I like the original cabin just fine, and it’s the one with the solar setup. So this one is all yours, for as long as you want it,” Dean said, knowing he should have probably put some limits on things right here at the beginning, but he wasn’t that kind of guy. Even if he should have been self-protective, set boundaries, all that. He guessed that Blair was going to read him the riot act when they found out. 

Sam didn’t say anything, so Dean walked towards the main windows and pointed out at the expansive deck he’d built last summer. “You’re gonna love the view from the deck in the evening.”

“Thanks, Dean,” Sam said, looking at him with that intense stare that had always made Dean weak in the knees.

“You’re welcome, I’m glad you’re here, Sammy,” Dean said, hand going up to the back of his own neck with the weight of all that stood between them. “So, I’m gonna be gone at least a few hours. Help yourself to anything you need,” Dean said, leaving through the open cabin door.

“Ok, I will, I’ll see you later,” Sam said with a wave from the porch.

It felt strange to just take off and leave Sam like this, after so many months of thinking he was dead and gone. But Dean needed the time alone on the way into town to sort his thoughts out. He had to come up with a good plan to tell Blair and all the other town folk about their new resident. As far as he was concerned, Sam was staying put. They’d work out all the other prickly shit at some point. But now that he’d come back, they needed to stick together from here on out.

***

The town meeting was held as usual in Smokey’s Bar, because it was the biggest room in town. No one was drinking this early in the morning, and all the lights were on, which highlighted all the varied shades of redwood making up the walls and ceiling. The unofficial town leader, not really a mayor because he was unelected, was Blair’s father, Ed. He was talking about the effort to get a late summer planting going in the fields that people had under cultivation. Dean settled into the seat Blair had left beside them, he leaned over and waved to Blair’s Mom, Helen. She smiled and waved back, her green eyes flashing between Dean and Blair, always examining, weighing whether he was good enough for Blair. Which was totally a mother’s job, he supposed, not having had the experience himself.

“Where are the twins?” Dean whispered in Blair’s ear.

Blair turned into him and answered quietly, “They’re supposed to be working our corn field, but knowing them, they’re probably fishing or goofing around. Why were you late?”

Dean just smiled and twined his hand with Blair’s. It was easy to picture Mika and Martin not doing the gardening chores and fishing instead. Mika had been the one to teach Dean how to really bait a hook properly, and Martin hadn’t given up on Dean until he’d gotten the hang of casting.

Helen leaned forward, her curly red hair falling over her face to tap Dean’s knee, she then pointed towards the front of the room where Ed was asking for volunteers to help get the fields planted. Dean let go of Blair’s hand so he could raise his hand. He was relieved to see there were many others volunteering as well. He had no idea what was going to be involved, but he wanted to help where he could. At least there were people here who understood planting and growing. Sure, most of them had been pot growers, but the knowledge applied to other crops too.

That topic of discussion finished, Ed asked the assembled group if there was any new business. One of the off-the-grid prepper types, Hank asked if anyone needed help with their solar systems. A few people voiced the need. No one brought up anything else, so Dean decided it was his turn.

“I wanted to get an idea about what the general feeling of adding newcomers to town? If say, a relative or close friend comes to live with us?” Dean asked.

There were some immediate grumbles or negative sounding noises. Ed calmed the crowd down with a barked ‘Hey!’ Then he led a discussion on the pros and cons of the idea. The general consensus was that it wasn’t up to the town to say yes or no, but that it was all of their responsibility to make sure the new people understood the general rules of life in Rhoda. Dean was relieved that he’d brought it up and that the majority of the town folks were at least accepting of the idea. That meant it was possible for Sam to stay if he wanted to without a lot of hassle.

As the meeting broke up soon after, Blair turned to him with a questioning look flashing in their green eyes. “What’s with that question?”

“I don’t want to talk about it here,” Dean said, still feeling the need for a little bit of secrecy on the subject of Sam the Returned.

“Okay, Mr. Secretive, whatever,” Blair said with an exaggerated eye roll.

Dean had always compared that expression to one of Sam’s bitch-faces. Now that he’d seen one from Sam this morning, he realized Blair’s version really didn’t come close, it was something altogether different. “Hey, uh, why don’t you come back to my place. I got a surprise waiting to show you.”

“Like I said, Mr. Secretive, whatever. Sure, I’ll come over after I get the okay from Mom. Not sure if she wanted me to work in the store, sometimes it gets busier after these meetings.”

“See you there soon,” Dean said, leaning down for a very brief kiss, usually he made a bigger deal out of kissing Blair in front of people, like he still needed to make the point. But there was a lot on his mind today.

Several people nearby whistled, and laughed. Dean realized that it felt like good-natured teasing now, not like it had been at first. The people he’d already gotten along with had been fine when he and Blair had paired off. It was the ones he didn’t know well that had given them some static, mostly because they just weren’t accepting of Blair and their ‘lifestyle’. There were a few that had been protective because they didn’t want Blair to be taken advantage of by some outsider. For example, like Blair’s folks had at first. But once all the townsfolk had gotten to know Dean and he’d proved to them that he wasn’t up to something nefarious with Blair, they’d all let down their guard and accepted him. Volunteering for everything hadn’t hurt matters either.

He rode back to his place with a satchel full of stuff he’d traded for and plans for what to make for dinner with Blair and Sam. Dean couldn’t wait to surprise Blair with the good news.

***

Blair wished that they didn’t have to wear a helmet riding the electric motorcycle that Dean had fixed up for them. But he insisted, and so did Blair’s mom. They wished the wind was whipping through their hair, to get all these unwelcome thoughts _out out out_ and away from their brain. When they’d shown up at the town meeting this morning, they’d expected to be greeted by Dean with the usual embarrassing as hell mega movie star kiss in front of everyone. But he’d been quiet and restrained instead. And then after the meeting broke up, he’d insisted on talking back at his place. He was being all mysterious about it, mumbled something about having big news. Blair had asked for the rest of the day off, and what were Mom and Dad going to say, no? It wasn’t like they really needed three people staffing their family store. Wasn’t much left on the shelves to sell.

Blair caught up to Dean part way out to his property, and followed him up the final hill. Passing through the main gate, Blair was surprised to see that there was a horse. The curliest freaking horse that Blair had ever seen was munching away in the pasture, Dean’s small flock of black chickens were scrabbling between its hooves. Was this Dean’s news? He’d decided to invest in a horse? But then there was a figure standing on the porch of the new cabin, Blair could tell the guy was almost as tall as the door he stood in front of, waving a little as the motorcycles passed nearby.

Blair parked in their usual spot near the garage where Dean kept his car that he called Baby and never drove these days. As soon as Blair got their helmet off and their hair squared away they turned to say, ‘who the heck is this guy?’ and they noticed Dean’s eyes. Glued like super glue in the direction of the new cabin and the man now approaching. The guy walked like a panther, graceful but with this constrained power. Dean still hadn’t said a thing.

“So who is this dude and do I need my gun?” Blair finally asked, hand on the saddlebag where their gun was always handy.

“Shit…sorry, that’s—he’s my big news. It’s Sam, that’s my little brother,” Dean said with this note of wonder and joy in his voice that was so beautiful to hear that Blair hated the twist in their heart at hearing it.

“Not so little, and not so dead, huh?” Blair said, going with snark since that’s what Dean would be expecting.

“Nope and nope,” Dean said, smiling wide and open as his brother approached. He slipped an arm around Blair’s waist. “Hey, Sammy, c’mon and meet Blair.”

“Hi, Blair, it’s great to meet you. Please call me Sam though, I’ve never been able to get Dean to do it consistently,” Sam said, shaking Blair’s hand.

Blair looked up and up and up at him, and was struck by the kindness in his eyes even though there was a pinch of wariness too. Blair shook Sam’s hand back. “It’s good to meet you, Sam. Didn’t think I’d ever get the opportunity, you know?”

“See, Sammy, it wasn’t just me thinking you were a goner,” Dean said, elbowing out at Sam.

Sam dropped Blair’s hand, ducked out of the way of Dean’s strike and bumped their shoulders together instead. He obviously didn’t want to talk about it, which Blair totally got. They wouldn’t want to share thoughts about their own mortality with a complete stranger either.

“Lets go inside and I’ll get started on fixing us an early dinner,” Dean said.

“You need some help?” Sam asked.

“No, you and Blair sit and get acquainted while I get chopping,” Dean said, pointing at the counter and two barstools.

Blair got three beers out of the refrigerator and opened them. They set one next to Dean where he’d begun chopping the center stalks out of a bunch of kale. He gave Blair a kiss on the cheek in thanks. Blair turned to see Sam hiding a scowl and handed him a beer.

“You still have beer? How?” Sam asked.

“Part of the haul from BevMo like I was telling you last night. I’ve just been careful with how many I drink, trying to make ‘em last until Bill gets his brewery restarted.”

“Who’s Bill?” Sam asked.

“Bill is my uncle, he had a brew pub over in Arcata for a while, and got tired of the restaurant business. He moved his brewery operations over here last year, and was just getting it going when Boom-Day hit. They’ve been hooking up the solar conversion over the last month, I think the first batch is going in this weekend,” Blair said.

“Wow, that’s going to be amazing to have local beer,” Sam said.

“As long as we can keep the inputs coming, someone’s got to grow hops and barley. Luckily both are crops we can do up here,” Blair said.

“That’s good, don’t want people to run out of beer,” Sam said.

“Don’t forget the recycling of the bottles, that was a whole subject at the town meeting today. Since we don’t have garbage service up here, there was a discussion about what we used to just throw away or recycle, and how to start reusing absolutely everything.”

“Yeah, who knows how long it’ll be before a new beer bottle gets made, right?” Sam asked.

“I’m worried they’re gonna run out of caps,” Dean said over his shoulder.

“I don’t even know how bottle caps are made, but I’d guess some kind of metal press, right? That could be a thing you could use old aluminum cans for that aren’t getting recycled now,” Sam said.

“Good point, you should have been there to add that today,” Blair said. “The rest of those yahoos just went on and on about how we could just cut up pieces of silicone and heat them to seal the bottles.”

“Dean said he didn’t think I should come to the meeting,” Sam said.

“Yeah, that was probably a good call today, it was a tense one. It’s going to be a surprise to people that we’ve got somebody new in town.”

“I’m a good worker, I won’t just be a free-loader or anything. And I might not even be staying too long, we haven’t worked that out yet. I don’t want to cramp Dean’s style or anything, you know,” Sam said.

“Sammy, you’re staying as long as you want to, that’s the deal,” Dean said, not looking back at them.

Blair considered what that meant, that Dean had already decided. It meant there were going to be big changes ahead.

“Don’t worry, Blair. I’m not here to…you know, get between you two or anything like that,” Sam said.

“Oh I’m not worried, me and Dean are pretty solid. It’s just going to be an adjustment is all. It’ll work out,” Blair said.

They sat and watched Dean cook dinner, side by side at the counter with the brother who wasn’t supposed to be alive, casually perched on barstools like it was nothing extraordinary. Blair marveled at how Sam’s eyes never seemed to stray far from Dean, even when they were conversing. He was so tall, Blair felt like a shrimp next to him, Dean had always talked about him as the little brother, so it wasn’t the picture Blair had formed in their mind. Even though Dean had the one photograph framed and on his dresser of the two of them, arms around their waists, hips tucked together, Sam’s head at least four inches above Dean’s, both grinning like they’d gotten away with something. And maybe they had, who knew?

Sam hadn’t been as big in that photo though, the man was a brick house now, full of muscles on top of muscles. But still so gentle, especially with his horse. Blair was still tickled by how formally Sam had introduced them. “Blair, I’d like you to meet Poppy. Poppy, this is Blair, be nice now.” Poppy had snuffled in Blair’s hand at the bits of grain Sam had give them and Poppy had allowed Blair to sink their fingers into her curly mane. She reminded Blair of an old mutt their family had years ago, Dad had always said she had at least some poodle. Poppy’s hair was like that.

The stir fry Dean was cooking up was smelling good. He’d gotten better at cooking with fresh vegetables over the last month that Blair had been showing him.

“I can’t believe you’re actually cooking leafy greens, Dean,” Sam said with a chuckle. “Never thought I’d see it.”

“Took a nuclear war, but yep, I’m into it now, thanks to Blair here for teaching me how to do it right.”

“Our family has always eaten what we grew, and one of the things that grows really well up here is leafy greens. Mom has a setup with a greenhouse so we have it year-round.”

“I’m going to try and build my own greenhouse this year if I can scrounge up enough materials,” Dean said, his back still to them, working between the stove and chopping stuff at the counter.

After dinner, Blair decided they needed to get out of there, it was all too much, too confusing. There was so much between these two, and after hearing all those stories from Dean, they knew it was probably a lot for him too.

“Wait, you’re leaving? Thought you’d be staying over like usual,” Dean said, sounding disappointed.

“I need to get my mind wrapped around all this, don’t take it personal, okay?” Blair said, kissing him soundly, not caring that Sam was watching them like a hawk. Blair would swear they heard a low growl, but they might have been imagining things.

They were pushing their bike as fast as it could go on these batteries, but it wasn’t fast enough to outrun what they were feeling. It was too much, all they wanted to do was to get home and hide in their room. Blair knew that they had to make it there before Mom and Dad came in from the store. They needed to get themselves locked away, so their parents couldn’t ask all the questions that were no doubt coming. Because they were so not ready to face it, not ready to voice it out loud. They took the turn onto their road off the main highway and grimaced at the washboard surface battering their kidneys. That should have worked to shake it all off, but nope, it all came crashing in again when Blair thought about how the two brothers hadn’t been able to take their eyes off each other just about the whole time Blair had been there.

Sure, there had been the whole Dean had thought that his brother was dead thing, and the whole Sam had traveled all that way just to get there to Dean thing. But it was a whole lot more than just that. It was how Blair had felt left out of the silent communication thing the brothers had going. On top of that there was the brother’s shared monster-hunting history, their messed-up relationship, and well…everything else. Just like that, Blair had felt like a third wheel in a place where it had always just been the two of them, Dean and Blair.

At first, when they’d gotten together, the way Dean had always talked about Sam, it had seemed like he was an ex-lover that he’d broken up with and was struggling to get over. Which had not made a whole lot of sense, because Sam was Dean’s brother. Dean had finally been honest after too much whisky one night, and sure enough Blair had been right about the ex-lover thing. It hadn’t been too surprising, especially after he shared what their lives had really been like, how they’d been on the road together, isolated from the world since they were small children, raised in the business of hunting actual monsters. Sure it was wrong and illegal, the relationship they had, it was immoral or whatever, but Blair could tell from Dean’s description that the brother’s relationship hadn’t been just about sex.

It had seemed hopeless that Dean would ever be able to get over the loss of Sam. Blair figured out that they had a chance of making it work with Dean when he began to share about the many times Sam had made it clear he had no place for Dean in his fancy San Francisco lawyer life. Before they’d met Sam, Blair had always figured their breakup was just sibling rivalry or simple jealousy behind it all. But not now, not after seeing the brothers together. Even though they’d been broken up before Boom-Day, they were still a whole lot more than just brothers, it was as obvious as the freckles on Dean’s face.

Blair couldn’t help but remember back to when they’d first met. How they’d told each other their stories in dribs and drabs, not all at once.

“How’d you end up way out here anyway?” Blair asked.

“I inherited the place, well my brother and I did. Remember the whole I used to hunt monsters thing I told you about the other day?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, a little hard to forget that bit,” Blair said with a laugh.

“Well, the woman who used to own this place was a monster. Her name was Eleanor Visayak, and she was the nicest Leviathan we ever met.”

“Leviathan? Like the sea monster in the bible?”

“Yeah, she was from Purgatory, but she had the form of a beautiful woman here,” Dean said.

“Of course,” Blair scoffed.

“And I met her when we had to fight dragons, she had a sword that’d kill them.”

“Dragons? Swords? Leviathans from Purgatory? What is this? Like an episode of Game of Thrones that I somehow missed?”

“It’s a long story, but a bunch of stuff happened, and she left her estate to a man who my brother and I kind of considered as our second dad, his name was Bobby Singer. He got killed by another Leviathan and…uh, Bobby left us everything, so Sam and I split it up. He took her beautiful, gigantic house in San Francisco, and I took the land and the cabins out here.”

“That doesn’t seem fair,” Blair said.

“It’s just how it worked out, I wasn’t happy in the city, and Sammy didn’t like how remote this place was.”

Blair didn’t comment, they guessed this was probably the source of most of Dean’s issues, this split that had happened. But Dean hadn’t talked about that too much yet. And why did he sometimes call him Sammy instead of Sam? There was something to that, something to the way his voice changed when he said the name Sammy.

****

After a few weeks, Blair was great, doing great, yup. At least that’s what they usually tell themselves. That’s what they always answer when their mom asked after the initial explanation about Sam.

Blair is the best. Or so Dean always tells them, just about any chance he gets, even with Sam right there raising his eyebrows in surprise.

Blair knows that they got Dean through what they both were certain was the loss of his brother. And as Dean was always telling them, he will never be able to thank Blair enough for taking away his pearl-handled Colt until he was back on board the mostly-trying-to-stay-alive train. The stricken look on Sam’s face when he heard that one was cold comfort.

Like they always tell mom, Blair is great, just great with having to witness the reunion of two halves of a whole. The brothers never should have been apart, it was so painfully obvious to Blair when they saw their reunion happening like one of those slow-motion car wrecks you can’t possibly turn away from. The crash in the end was both inevitable and still somehow a surprise. Mom’s understanding in advance was irritatingly supportive.

But just like Lisa had before them, Blair quickly came to realize that there was no getting between these two men. Dean had told them everything, the top-secret part about Sam being both Dean’s brother and former lover, and how their job had been driving around the country fighting monsters and saving the world. All the while trying (and failing) to have relationships with people besides their brother. The brothers, Blair quickly came to realize—they were just meant to be in some cosmic way that was inescapable once you were in a room with them for more than five minutes. They’re drawn to each other, even when they’re angrier than you’ve ever seen a person. Even though they’re brothers who had broken apart, Blair knew exactly what was going to happen way before Dean did.

Somehow when Dean had talked about Sam the last few months, he’d left out the part about not really being over him, before he’d been nuked. And now Blair was feeling kinda nuked really, well no, that wasn’t quite right, they were feeling unprepared. Not like you could really prep for this sort of thing, but their mom raised them with an almost-prepper mentality. They’ve been trying to maintain an even keel since meeting the giant man that was somehow Dean’s returned-from-the-dead brother. Blair didn’t want to think of Sam as a rival, but that’s just facts baby. Sam might be a nice guy, but Blair could tell that the dude’s a closer. Sam’s not going anywhere without Dean anytime soon. So Blair’s working on preparing their heart to be broken through and through. Luckily, Mama did teach them practicality too.

***

At first, Sam had thought that Dean was just fucking with him, not assigning a gender to Blair, but then once he’d met them, he’d immediately figured out that Blair just happened to be a non-binary person, assigned male at birth (aka AMAB.)

He brought it up when he was alone with Blair the first time, wanting to know the right pronouns and so on. He’d had some sensitivity training at school and he didn’t want to screw up and insult someone who was so important in his brother’s life.

“So, I noticed Dean uses they and them pronouns when he talks about you. I uh…just want to check that those are your preferred pronouns.”

Blair looked up from the sink full of breakfast dishes with a surprised smile. “That’s just about the nicest thing anyone’s ever asked me, Sam. Yeah, uh that’s what I like to go by.”

“You’re non-binary then?”

“Yep, finally figured it out a few years ago, right at the end of high school. Being AMAB here in Rhoda isn’t ideal as you can probably imagine. I don’t fit into the usual categories for people, so there’s been some friction. This is a teeny tiny town, with a lot of conservative people who haven’t had much exposure to the idea.”

“That must have been rough,” Sam said.

“Yeah, it was hard to be so different. But I didn’t want to move away, I love living here in the redwoods and my family’s been very accepting. I started working in our feed store and interacting with people on the daily and they started to get used to me. It was almost enough. That’s how Dean and I met. He came in looking for chicks, and advice on how to raise them.”

“Not the usual for Dean picking up chicks in my experience,” Sam said with a chuckle.

Blair burst out laughing, wiping their eyes with the back of one sudsy hand. “He was prettyfunny about it, made a similar joke actually. He played at being incompetent about the whole thing so I’d come out here and help him get the coop set up right.”

“He’s a smooth operator, no doubt,” Sam said.

Blair started singing the chorus from the Sade song, and Sam joined in. They didn’t notice Dean standing in the kitchen doorway grinning at them.

***

They were working on the garden today, all three of them, hands in the dirt, sweaty and invigorated at just being outside in the sunny morning. Dean left at one point to go start on lunch and Blair and Sam kept working, turning over the small plot of land by hand.

“We’re going to have to figure out a plow for next year, this is bullshit,” Blair said, throwing down their shovel and flopping down next to it.

“Dean mentioned knowing someone who did blacksmith work, I wonder if they’d have the tools or knowhow to make one. Or I guess we could head down to the Central Valley to all the farms, but we’d have to trade for it and haul it back up here.”

“Think Poppy would be up for pulling a plow?” Blair asked, gesturing over at where Poppy and her chicken buddies were grazing against the fence line.

“She’s definitely strong enough for it, I mean she hauled my ass all the way here, right?”

“That must have been quite a journey,” Blair said, leaving it open ended, hoping to hear more about the outside world from someone who’d actually been there recently.

Sam flopped down next to them, letting go of the shovel and flexing his enormous hands. “It really was kind of epic. Getting from one end of the state to the other during the nuclear armageddon no one was prepared for, yeah it was a laugh and a half.”

“Dean said you were down in LA or something, when Boom Day came,” Blair said.

“Yeah, I was there for a law educators conference, and we lucked out that the bomb that hit the closest to us didn’t work. The other ones that hit other parts of LA did though. I got myself to the airport with a friend and he had a private plane, so we were able to take off. We were really lucky there wasn’t an EMP that was close to the airport so that the plane and radar and stuff still worked.”

“That must have been scary,” Blair said, obviously hoping for more of the story.

“Yeah it was, I was glad I was with him, he was a guy I’d been seeing off and on for months. His name was Lee, he wanted me to just stay with him, and he didn’t understand why I’d want to come up here to find Dean.”

“I’m betting he didn’t know the whole story,” Blair said, glad that Dean had told them at least.

“You got me there, I hadn’t told him, because I wasn’t sure he was ready to hear it, or that I really wanted to be with him that badly to take the risk.”

“I understand, I mean…when Dean told me about y’all, I’ll be honest, it took me a bit to wrap my head around it, the monsters were harder than the you and him part.”

“I wasn’t ever planning on telling Lee about the monsters, that was always our family thing to not tell civilians the whole truth. But now that I think about it, I was the only one that really followed that rule. Dean had a relationship with someone while I was at Stanford, and he told her about the things that go bump in the night, and she broke up with him. Back then, I was about to ask a woman to marry me and I had no intention of ever telling her.”

“Hard to believe anyone would ever break up with Dean,” Blair said, not mentioning the woman Sam was going to marry. Dean had told them that sad story about the college girlfriend burning on the ceiling. He hadn’t told them the part about Sam almost being engaged and Blair wondered if Dean knew.

“You’re talking to someone who’s tried a couple times,” Sam said with a snort. “Kinda hard to do when he’s your brother and work partner too."

“True, true. So what happened after you took off in the plane from LA, where’d you guys go?”

“Well, the pilot had a hard time getting any radio connections, there was some kind of interference from the nukes as we went north back towards home in the Bay Area, so we headed east instead and ended up landing in Las Vegas when we were getting low on fuel.”

“I’ve never been there, is it really as crazy as it looks in the movies and stuff?”

“It’s pretty crazy…yeah, Dean and I used to go every year for a week. It was our one solid week of vacation we’d let ourselves take. But when I was there with Lee, it was even worse, mostly because of all the post-nuke panic. Being in a big city in a disaster like this was, well it went from bad to worse pretty quickly. Lee had friends there that owned one of the smaller casinos, so they set us up with a bungalow on the grounds. It was fine the first couple of nights, but then the roving gangs swept through and they took him.”

“They took Lee, why, I mean, what for?”

“They were like a vigilante mob, out for blood, making examples of people who were too rich and hoarding supplies. Not that Lee was even doing that, we were just staying in this place where there happened to be storage cabinets full of food supplies for the casino near the bungalow we were staying. They dragged him out of our bed, naked and strung him up from the streetlamp in front of his friend’s casino. I fought to try to stop them, and they beat me up so badly, I was blacking out for days. When I came to, his body was gone, and all the supplies were too.”

“Shit, that’s crazy, I’m so sorry that happened to your friend, Sam,” Blair said.

Sam stared off into the distance, eyes gone hazy with remembering. “He could be a stuck-up bourgeois pig sometimes, but he was a good guy. He sure as hell didn’t deserve that kind of ending. I really wish that was the worst thing that happened.”

“What do you mean? Seeing your friend get lynched by a mob seems like a worst case scenario.”

“Well, it happened on the way from Vegas to Reno, I was on this bus that was running on some of the last diesel that was available. It had cost me everything just to get on it, and it turned out they were delivering us to a prison, instead of taking us all the way up to Reno like they’d promised. In the middle of the night, we turned off of highway 395 and went off on a bumpy dirt road. Luckily it woke me up and I managed to get off the bus before it got inside the prison fence. It had been over a month at that point, since Boom Day. At first I thought they’d officially taken over a federal prison, and were bussing in people just to get them out of the crowded city. But then I saw what happened.”

“What happened?” Blair asked, worried about how still Sam had gone.

“The bus stopped and the passengers were just let out in the prison yard. I watched from outside the fence as they all got attacked by the prisoners, a lot of them were raped or killed right there. I had some foolish idea I was going to get my fellow bus passengers out of the place somehow. But then I smelled it, they—they were barbecuing,” Sam’s voice faded off on the last word.

“You mean, the people, the prisoners were eating them?”

Sam nodded.

“I never even thought of that, of course prisons would be one of the easiest things to just not take care of after the bombs fell. God, that’s awful, Sam, I’m so so glad you didn’t…you know,” Blair said.

“At first I thought the people who did it were some kind of organized, government thing, you know to at least keep the prisoners fed. But I think it was something else. There were demons there, Blair, they found me when I was running away from the fence. And they knew me, and wanted me to tell them what to do next.”

“What?”

“It’s a long story, don’t know how much of it you’ve heard from Dean. Basically there was this high level demon who had this plan where I was supposed to be the ruler of Hell. So sometimes we would run across demons who would pretty much bow down to me. It made them easier to kill back then, and in Nevada too. Thank goodness I still had the demon killing knife with me. If I hadn’t gone down to LA on my friend’s plane, I wouldn’t have had it on me.”

“Dean told me about your knife, but not about the other part, your majesty,” Blair said, trying to kid.

“Please don’t, it’s really not funny, not at all,” Sam said.

“I’m sorry, I was just—no that was just plain shitty of me, I apologize. Please, tell me more, I mean—only if you want to,” Blair said.

Sam looked off into the distance for a bit and then nodded to himself, like he was deciding to continue his tale. “I killed those demons, and I took their truck which was luckily full of gas and drove about four hundred miles, straight up to Reno. And then it got so much worse.”

“Wait, how could it be worse than demons and a prison full of cannibals?”

“Yeah, the uh…people guarding the Reno outskirts, well they weren’t too happy about someone just all of a sudden driving into their city. It was all on lock down, under martial law, all that. I was rounded up since I wasn’t a Nevadan, and put into a place that was basically a slave camp. It wasn’t demons this time though, just people, but they were just as bad. It was worse really, because they were people, but they had gone wrong with the power or whatever. I had to do some stuff I don’t want to talk about, and then I got out. I hiked my way over to Red Bluff and worked for a while until I could buy Poppy. The ride here was awful, I was lucky I had her because the roads are filled with abandoned cars, and there are fires all over because there’s no one left to put them out.”

“That’s okay if you don’t tell me the whole story about what happened in Reno, you don’t owe me or anyone else an explanation. I’m just glad you got here, Sam. You have no idea how much Dean’s been grieving you.”

“I’m glad he had you, Blair. I just wish it hadn’t taken me so damn long to get here,” Sam said.

“Well, you’re here now, and I think we better go check on Dean, he better be done with lunch, but if he’s taking a god-damned nap while we’ve been out here digging, I’ll kill him,” Blair said.

“Thanks for listening, Blair,” Sam said.

“I’m glad you told me all that. It’s even more of a miracle that you made it here,” Blair said.

****

Sam was confused at first. He didn’t know whether Dean was really in love with Blair, or if Blair was just someone who happened to be there when he thought Sam was dead. Blair was awesome and Sam could see why Dean might be in love with them. He could see why Dean might choose to be with Blair instead of him.

The more he watched Dean with Blair the more confused he got. It seemed like Dean was trying too hard, like he was trying to prove it to Sam (or to himself) that Blair was the person he wanted to be with. It hurt though, it hurt a lot. After all those months, Sam had been counting on Dean taking him back, or at least to still be wanting him. He got flashes of the yearning almost lustful looks that he’d sometimes catch Dean throwing his way, especially when they were doing physical labor and he’d had to take his shirt off. Or the times they’d gone fishing down in the river and they’d skinny dipped like the old days. Sam had been sure that Dean was going to make a move, the way he was ravaging him with his eyes, it didn’t seem possible that he would be able to resist. But he did, the stubborn bastard.

The more Sam got to know Blair, he could see what Dean saw in them, they were great, and they seemed to really love Dean. He should have been happy for Dean, for both of them. But he couldn’t be. The jealousy colored everything, he wished he could turn it off, stuff it down, but it didn’t work any better than it had when he’d been trying to ignore how he felt back when Dean had tried that last time to get them back together. Sam had thought about that night so often he could replay all the stupid dialogue in his head, how stupid he’d been to let Dean leave that night. Saying all those horrible things, that he didn’t really mean, he could never undo it. Now it seemed pretty clear that he’d finally broken them up for good.

****

To keep his feelings hidden as he sorted everything out, Sam spent more time in town getting to know people. That was how he came to have his first job in Rhoda. Frank, from one of the pot growing families asked Sam to come to his house to tutor his eight year old. His wife had run off with some of the younger folks that had left Rhoda for the promise of jobs in Arcata. She had been handling all of the homeschooling duties and he needed to concentrate on shifting his farming production from pot to the produce that the community really was counting on him for.

He wasn’t able to pay Sam, at first he offered bricks of pot that he’d stored away from the last harvest, but Sam turned him down after accepting one of them for the first month of his services. How much pot did he really need? But what he did end up taking in payment the next month was one of the new puppies Frank’s labrador had just had with one of the neighbor’s annoying as shit basset hounds. The puppies were the cutest things Sam had seen in a very long time, and he’d always always wanted a dog. Now he had a good reason to have one. They could use a good watch dog around Dean’s property, and maybe they’d be good for hunting too.

Frank was happy to give him his pick of the litter when they were old enough to be away from their mama. The little pup was given the name Rufus, in honor of their old friend. The way he always looked so intensely at you reminded Sam of the man. Having a bassador (mix of labrador and basset hound) was a trip, the dog was goofy, and noisy and Poppy loved him. He didn’t chase the chickens around too much, and as long as Sam kept him out of the barn and away from Baby, Dean didn’t seem to mind having him around too much. In fact, Sam had seen Dean saving the good bits off of his dinner plate to feed Rufus under the table.

Having a dog to talk to, sleep with at night, and spend time on training took up a lot of Sam’s time, and that was a good thing. He needed all of it to get over having lost his chance with Dean. Rufus wasn’t enough to fill up the hole in his heart of course, but he helped Sam plaster over it well enough to keep going.

****

After a month of dancing back and forth about it in his mind, Sam finally got up the nerve and asked. The three of them had finished a nice dinner of fresh-caught trout and potatoes that Sam had prepared. They’d eaten out on the deck of Sam’s cabin since he’d offered to do the cooking. Blair was inside doing up the dishes and Sam decided it was finally time to ask Dean.

“Uh, so…Dean, I wanted to ask you something,” Sam said, wishing he didn’t sound so unsure.

Dean flicked his eyes away from the horizon over to Sam and then raised his eyebrows at what he must have seen on Sam’s face. “Yeah, what’s up, Sammy?”

“I think it’s time to ask you this. I uh…need to know if I should move out, move on or whatever. I heard there were going to be some teaching jobs up in Arcata soon,” Sam said. He didn’t come right out and say that it would give Dean and Blair a chance. And he really should have. Because in an instant, Dean answered.

“No, you can’t—I think you should stay, it’s all good. It’s going good, right? I mean unless you want to leave,” Dean said, looking confused and alarmed.

Blair made a noise at the screen door. Blair didn’t say anything, just looked back and forth between the two of them. Blair’s face clearly showing that they really knew for sure what the underlying question Sam had really been asking.

“What do you think, Blair? Sam’s asking if he should move out,” Dean said, obviously expecting Blair to have something to say on the subject.

“It’s not up to me, Dean,” Blair said, still behind the screen door. “This is your place and so this is between you two.”

“It’s really not though, you’re in this too. So, c’mon out here and let’s figure it out,” Dean said.

“Nah, I gotta get to bed early tonight, forgot I promised mom I’d be there at the store. She has customers from out of town coming in early tomorrow morning,” Blair said. They finally stepped through the screen and joined them on the deck. Blair leaned down and briefly kissed Dean on the cheek, which was not how Sam had observed they usually said goodbye to each other. Blair obviously felt uncomfortable with Sam sitting right there, because of what he’d asked Dean to decide.

“What do you think though,” Dean asked one last time, before he let them go.

“I think you have no freaking idea what Sam went through to get his ass here, just to get back to you. You maybe oughta ask him some time, probably should figure into your decision on whether he stays or goes,” Blair said, twisting out of Dean’s hold. “Night, Sam.”

Sam waved and tried to smile at them as they disappeared back into the house. The door didn’t slam, so hopefully they weren’t mad.

“Not sure what’s up with them,” Dean said.

“Look at it from Blair’s point of view, it’s probably threatening, they know our history,” Sam said.

Dean didn’t answer, just sat in his chair, finishing his drink, obviously deep in thought. After a silent ten minutes where Sam wondered if this was the last time they’d have like this to spend together.

****

The walk through the night from Sam’s cabin to Dean’s was enough time to have dried their tears which they’d thankfully been able to hold back until they’d gotten on the pathway. It would have been hella embarrassing to break down in front of the two of them.

Blair knew this was it, the end. They knew that they wouldn’t be coming back here anytime soon, it was going to be a hard thing to get used to, but they knew it was over with Dean. Blair went through the dresser drawer Dean had set aside for them to use and swept everything up into their backpack, cramming it all, yanking on the compression straps until one of them broke. They started crying again, at breaking something so useful for such a dumb reason. This was just a heartbreak, their first real one, they’d get over it someday. That just made them cry even harder.

They kicked their boots off and curled up in Dean’s bed one last time, trying to get the tears over with before they had to make the drive home. Because this sure as hell wasn’t their home, it hadn’t ever been, they’d just been pretending, playing at houses with Dean. Blair had been a placeholder, a stand-in, and now that the real deal, Sam was here, there wasn’t much of a point for Blair to stick around. It would be easier on everyone if they left. It would all be good.

****

But of course it was not all good, Sam could tell that Dean probably knew, but didn’t want to admit it to himself.

“I thought it was going okay,” Dean said after Blair had disappeared into the darkness, just the beam of their headlight bobbing along the path back to Dean’s cabin.

“It’s been an adjustment though, for everyone,” Sam said.

“Yeah, of course it has, but I guess I thought me and Blair, that we could deal, after everything else we’d gone through,” Dean said.

“I don’t want to—I didn’t intend to mess things up for you, or Blair. They’re good for you, and you deserve that, Dean, you really do,” Sam said, trying his best to mean what he said.

“I better go talk to them,” Dean said, standing up abruptly.

“‘kay, good luck,” Sam said, trying to actually make that wish for his brother.

Sam watched as Dean’s flashlight bounced along the path. He could hear the door of Dean’s cabin slam shut. He sighed, knowing that he’d probably be leaving tomorrow, if not tonight. He headed inside to start getting his things together to make it easier to get on the road. He needed to take Rufus out for his night time constitutional before bed. The leash was on the hook by the door, Rufus danced around his feet while he tried to get it attached. Finally they were walking in the night air, the stars above and Sam’s heart heavier than it had ever felt.

****

By the time Dean made it into his bed, it had all already been decided. Well, Blair had decided. He cuddled up to them in bed, and started his usual moves, Blair had pushed him off before he could get too far.

“I can’t, Dean. Not when I know the person you really want in this bed is a few hundred yards away sleeping in your other cabin.”

“Blair, c’mon, that’s not—“ Dean stumbled to a stop, because they were right, and both of them knew it.

“You know I’m right, and I won’t do that to myself. I love myself enough to come out and say it. We need to end this, and you need to be with Sam.”

“Blair, I told you we’ve tried that before, several times. But Sam and I, we don’t work,” Dean said. “But we do, you and me, we work.”

“Dean, that was before. Everything’s changed now, and I think Sam has too. He’s really different from how you’d described him to me back when we first met.”

“Different how?”

“That Sam had let you go, this Sam went through hell just to have a chance to get back to you,” Blair said. “I think that boy would turn himself inside out just to make things right with you. You need to give him a second chance.”

“What about you?” Dean asked.

“I’ll be okay. Now that I’ve had this with you, I know it’s at least possible for me,” Blair said.

“Blair, what if I don’t want to just let you go? You’ve been so good to me. I thought we were so great together.”

“Listen, I know he hurt you, Dean. And I don’t want to hurt you too, but this is what’s right. I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t sure. I’d be crazy to give up being with someone like you.”

“That’s what I feel like. It’s crazy, Blair. I wish you wouldn’t just blow me off like this.”

“I’m not blowing you off, I’m doing the right thing, and I’m one hundred percent sure that you’ll thank me later,” Blair said, pulling on their boots.

“C’mon and stay, it’s not safe to ride at night,” Dean said.

“No, I need to, and you need the time alone to get your head on straight. Like I said, give that boy a second chance, you’ll be thanking me later,” Blair said, grabbing their stuffed backpack, walking out the bedroom door and shutting it quietly behind them.

They could hear Dean hit the wall with his fist, and some garbled yelling, but Dean didn’t come after them or try to stop them. That’s when they knew they’d really done the right thing.

Blair almost had the motorcycle started when Sam walked by with his new puppy, Rufus. The pup was pulling at the leash and snuffling like crazy near the chicken coop.

“Hey, Blair, you’re leaving tonight? Thought we were doing a Winchester scramble tomorrow for breakfast,” Sam said.

“Nope, not this weekend, maybe another time. I’m out of here, and F.Y.I., I just broke up with Dean.”

“Wait, hold on, you did what?” Sam asked, stopping in his tracks, going abnormally still, it was kind of eerie. And a lot like how Dean was when they went hunting together—too much training.

Blair buckled on their helmet and started their electric motorcycle, they were pleased at the instant and smooth hum, now was not the time for hesitation or error. They needed to get out before they changed their mind. “You heard me right. Bye, Sam and good luck. You both need it.”

Blair drove through the open gate and turned up the road towards their family home. It was going to be hard to explain to their mom in the morning why they were back so soon. Hopefully she wouldn’t ask too many questions. Blair felt the weight lift from their shoulders the further they drove away from Dean’s place, no—the Winchester’s place.

***

Dean heard someone knocking at the front door. Why would Blair be knocking? Had they changed their mind? His mind raced, trying not to hope because they’d probably just left something behind.

“Dean?” Sam asked, quiet and hesitant.

Dean leaned his head against the door with a small thunk. “Yeah, what, Sammy? I was trying to get some sleep.”

“Can I come in? I just talked to Blair,” Sam said.

Dean thunked his forehead again, who the hell knew what Blair had said to Sam. Hopefully not ‘go get him tiger’ or whatever.

“I need some time alone, Sam,” Dean said.

The doorknob turned and the door slowly opened, Dean stepped back with a sigh. “Dude, it doesn’t count as alone time if you’re here.”

“I don’t think you should be alone,” Sam said.

“What—ever? And why’s it up to you all of a sudden?” Dean asked, immediately going into fight mode because the pain of everything else before him was too much to deal with.

Sam stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him. “I’m sorry that Blair left. I really am.”

“I don’t want—“

“They told me good luck as they left,” Sam said. “So I’m here pressing my luck, okay?”

“Okay, whatever,” Dean grumbled. “I’m going back to bed.”

Sam followed.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Dean asked. It came out angrier than he’d intended.

Sam flinched at the anger in Dean’s voice. “I was going to stay with you, until you fall asleep. If that’s okay with you?”

“Fine, whatever,” Dean grumped, climbing under the covers and turning away from Sam. So much for alone time.

Sam laid down on the bed next to him, the bed frame squealing in protest. He stayed on top of the covers, pointedly not making any moves. It was embarrassing how comforting it was having Sam just being there next to him while he struggled not to cry at being left like this or to do something even stupider like beg Sam to hold him. Sam sighed and rolled on his side so that he was facing Dean. His hand smoothed the hair back from Dean’s forehead and then down his cheek. Dean was proud of himself for holding all his reactions inside. No audible moan escaped his lips, his head didn’t press into Sam’s hand. He sneakily cracked his eyes open just enough to see the look on Sam’s face. He looked like he was going to cry.

“I’m really sorry, Dean. I swear I didn’t come here to screw your life up.”

“I know you didn’t. Shit happens, ‘m still glad you’re here,” Dean said, resolutely keeping his eyes closed.

“If you want me to move out, I will,” Sam said. “Like I was saying before, I heard about how they’re trying to reopen Cal State Humboldt, thought I could go teach or something. It’s not that far away.”

“Shut up and sleep, Sammy,” Dean said.

Sam’s hand seemed to grow heavier on his head, Dean snuck a peek again. Sam was crying now, silent tears tracking down his face. Was it sadness or relief that Dean wasn’t kicking him out immediately. Who knew with this Sam any more, Dean sure as hell didn’t.

“Dude, you’re gonna get my pillow wet,” Dean grumbled.

“Sorry, I’ll just…uh,” Sam got up from the bed and was almost out the door.

Dean turned back the covers, and pointed at Sam and then back at the bed. Sam wiped his hands over his face, toed out of his shoes and dropped his jeans and outer shirt. He climbed into Dean’s bed for the first time in a long time, under the covers their legs tangled together just like they always had. And it was enough for now, Dean thought in the comfortable silence. Blair was gone, and Dean still loved them. But Sam was here, miracle of miracles, and Dean had and would always love him more than anyone else. Blair had been right, it wasn’t fair to them, they had figured out that Sam was in permanent first position in his heart. They were smart to leave.

****

When Dean woke up the next morning, Sam wasn’t in the bed. He was relieved, it would make this easier. He cooked up some quick eggs and bread for breakfast and ate staring out the front window. Poppy was out there, grazing in the pasture, so that meant Sam was still here. At least he hadn’t left quite yet. He washed up and tried not to think about it, that this was probably it, the last day Sam would be around. There were chores to do, so he got to them, and tried not to think about who had already left and who would be leaving.

He didn’t see Sam until later that afternoon. His brother’s lanky frame came strolling towards him where he was parked on the shady side of the deck, he was carrying a bottle and two glasses.

“You raiding my stash?”

“No, just returning what you left over at my cabin last night,” Sam said.

“Well, have a seat,” Dean gestured at the wide open deck, kicking his boots against the frame below in a solid 4/4 rhythm.

Sam settled down and poured them each a slug in the two glasses. He handed one of them over to Dean. “How are you doing…after everything last night?”

Dean snorted and sipped a little whisky to calm his urge to start yelling or throwing things. “I’m wishing I had a cell phone so I could text them, you know? But now it’s gonna be a big freaking deal, when I have to see Blair in town the first time. Shit, and Blair’s family—oh their family is not gonna be happy with me.”

“Or me,” Sam said.

“Yeah, you home-wrecker, you,” Dean said with another snort.

“That’s not…shit, don’t say that,” Sam said with a small smile. He hid the rest of his expression behind his glass.

“Well, what’s true is true, just cause you don’t like the name doesn’t change it,” Dean said.

“I haven’t—we haven’t even done anything though,” Sam protested.

“That’s not the only thing that counts, dude,” Dean said. “What was it Jimmy Carter said, I’ve committed adultery in my heart many times.”

“Wow, whipping out a Jimmy Carter reference, that goes way back, old man,” Sam said with a grin he couldn’t hide.

“Older than you’ll ever be,” Dean said with a matching grin.

“So, have you thought about what I asked you last night, whether you want me to move out or not?” Sam asked.

“Let me guess, you’re already packed to make it easier?” Dean asked.

Sam nodded, looking surprised at Dean’s question. Instead of asking more about Sam’s intention to leave, Dean decided he had to give Sam the rest of the story he hadn’t told him, before he left he should know. This might be the last chance he’d have to tell him.

“All this time, I was wishing I’d been down there in San Francisco with you when the bombs fell. So that I would have died too, you know? And Blair’s the one, the only one who could get me out of thinking like that, from drinking myself to death. They hid all the whisky from me, took my gun away, they saved me. I wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for them.”

“I owe them, I know I do. I’ll make it up to Blair somehow, I swear I will find a way to.”

“I know you will, if they let you that is. It’s kind of funny, this is like me with Amelia, I owed her for keeping you alive when you thought I was dead and gone. And I didn’t own up to that like I should have. Too busy with my own shit to do it.”

“It’s okay, Dean. You had to readjust to being back from Purgatory.”

“Hey, you know, Purgatory is why we’re even here,” Dean said.

“To Eleanor,” Sam said, clinking their glasses together.

“When Blair said I should ask you about what you did to get here, what did they mean?”

“I probably told them more of the gory details than I told you, so I guess it must have made an impression,” Sam said. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think you wanted to know.”

“Oh, so we’re doing that again? That’s bull and you know it, Sam. C’mon, lay it on me,” Dean said.

Sam took a deep breath and told Dean everything he’d told Blair. He still obviously left out the details of what happened in Reno.

Dean whistled in appreciation for Sam’s tale. “That’s quite a tale, I can see what Blair meant. I can’t believe you kept going after all that, just to get here.”

“Well, I had to—had to get here so you’d know I was alive,” Sam said.

“What really happened in Reno though? Shot a man just to watch him die? Seriously, though, you kind of left out the details on that part,” Dean said.

Sam hung his head and shook it slowly. Dean was guessing that he couldn’t make himself go there in his memory, couldn’t even say it out loud, which meant it was bad, really bad. Dean’s hand moved before he could stop himself, landing on Sam’s knee, squeezing gently, giving the comfort he knew Sam needed.

“C’mon, Sammy, let it out,” Dean said.

Sam looked up at him through his hair, eyes already sparkling with tears. “The camp they put me in, there were way too many people and not enough food. After a few weeks, it was clear my choices were limited, either starving in the camp, or working in the casino, but I didn’t know what that meant at first,” Sam said.

“There was still a casino running?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, they had a lot of solar power because of the Tesla plant, so the electricity was on, the games were all running, but that wasn’t why—it wasn’t why I was there,” Sam said.

  
“You weren’t dealing blackjack or running the roulette wheel then?”

“Uh, no, they had the professionals doing that. They put me in what they called the hospitality room, I was drugged most of the time to keep me compliant, so a lot of it is hazy.”

“Sam, you don’t have to—“ Dean said, stomach dropping at what that likely meant. He could see it written on Sam’s face, the shame, degradation, and worse.

“No, you’re right, I should just let it out. You should know all of it, like Blair said, it might affect your decision on whether you really want me around,” Sam said. He stood up and unbuttoned his jeans, pulled one side down and turned so Dean could see the side of his ass.

Dean tried to hold in the gasp, but he knew Sam still heard him by the full body flinch. “Those god-damned bastards,” Dean growled.

“It’s not the worst part of what happened there, but it’s a permanent reminder of what I was, what I did there. They wanted everyone to know who owned me,” Sam mumbled.

“Sammy, you’re not there, you got out. You got yourself here, back to me where you belong,” Dean said, hand covering up the ugly pattern of raised red skin, the brand on his brother’s flank, because he couldn’t bear to look at it for one more second. He could feel the warm skin under his fingers. Not nearly as hot as it’d been when he’d been branded.

“I’m telling you this because I’m not sure I can ever…you know, do anything sexual, with you. Seems like you should know that before you decide on whether you want me to stick around,” Sam said.

Dean leaned forward and pressed his lips over the raised letters on Sam’s skin, wishing he could erase them just with this gesture. “That’s not what’s important to me,” Dean said.

“It is though, be honest, it always has been a big part of it,” Sam said.

“That was then, this is now. We’ll figure it out, Sammy,” Dean said.

“We?” Sam asked.

“Yeah, you and me, I mean…if you still want that,” Dean said.

“Is that even a real question, or are you just being a coy bastard?” Sam asked.

“Both,” Dean said with the one-sided grin he knew always worked on Sam.

*****

It took a few weeks to work out exactly how they were going to do this living together thing. At first Sam stayed in his cabin, and Dean stayed in his. Maybe that would have been enough if Blair had still been in the picture, but they weren’t, they were staying away probably for their own self-protection Dean assumed. He wasn’t a person that could be alone for too long, he’d realized that about himself. And Sam was right there, so close, but still too far away. Dean couldn’t help himself wanting to change things right away, go back to what they’d had before. But he kept reminding himself of how hard it had been for Sam to share what he’d had to do just to survive in Reno. He couldn’t push for things to change until Sam showed him that he was ready.

Sam was coming over for dinner tonight, that’s what they’d planned—at least that was what Dean remembered. But it was past the time they usually ate, and full dark outside, and still no Sam. He wrapped up a Sam-sized portion of the meal and carried it over to Sam’s cabin. There was only one light on that he could see, one candle actually. And Sam huddled in a tight ball on his bed. Dean put the food in the refrigerator and toed out of his boots, shrugged off his coat and crawled into bed beside him. He curved his body around Sam, fitting them together in the most protective big-spoon possible. Sam pressed back into him, a little bit at a time, still not saying a thing. Dean just held him in the silence, willing him to know it was okay not to talk or explain, just to be held and accept the comfort.

He woke up at the first light in the morning, his arms and legs still curved around Sam’s body. Sam was breathing slow and steady, which meant he was still asleep. Dean realized he was hard, it being morning, and having a warm body next to his usually guaranteed that. He tried to move his hips away, but Sam’s body followed his, keeping them pressed together. His silent way of saying it was okay. Dean restrained himself from saying or doing anything, giving the power over to Sam to take or give whatever came next.

After a few minutes, Sam rolled over within the circle of Dean’s arms, nuzzled his face into the space between Dean’s chin and neck and breathed against the sensitive skin there.

“Thank you for last night,” Sam said, lips moving against Dean’s skin right over his pulse point.

Dean held back the groan he wanted to let loose with. Sam apparently remembered that was one of the spots guaranteed to drive him wild. “You’re welcome,” Dean managed to say, his voice gone gruff with the unspoken desire.

“I’m sorry it’s taking me so long,” Sam said.

“So long for what?” Dean asked.

“To work up to this, to getting myself to a place to be okay with this. I want it so much, you have no idea, but there’s so much that—“

“It’s okay, I told you that, remember? If it happens it happens, I’m happy with just this, Sammy. I really am.”

Sam pulled back from Dean, examined his face, slowly scrutinizing as if he couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing. “You really mean it, I’m just figuring that out right now.”

“I can see that. Do you think we could do this every night, either here or at my place? I haven’t slept so well in months,” Dean said.

“Yeah, uh sure, of course, as long as Rufus can come,” Sam said.

“Sure, but not on the bed,” Dean said.

“Do you see him on my bed right now?” Sam asked.

Dean tickled him instead of answering, Sam’s laugh broke the rest of the morning silence in the most beautiful way, and that brought Rufus running from his spot by the fireplace in the living room. His big paws landed on the side of the bed closest to Sam, tail wagging.

Sam groaned and sat up. “Gotta take him out before he pees in here. Will you keep my spot warm?”

Dean rolled over into the warmth that Sam left behind and buried his face in the pillow. Sam laughed again as he pulled on a sweatshirt and his boots. Dean could hear them both leave the cabin. He tried to will away his morning wood, but that wasn’t working. He took himself in hand, hoping to be done before Sam returned. He was almost there, when he heard Sam in the doorway.

“God, look at you,” Sam said, lust all over his face.

Dean pushed his hips up, jacking himself harder and faster as Sam stared and worried at his lower lip. “Fuck, Sammy, tell me, c’mon tell me.”

“Yeah, Dean, come for me, show me,” Sam said.

Dean put on a show, it didn’t take too long, something about having Sam watching, and directing him had always done it for him. That hadn’t changed. He came quick and hard, shooting up his own chest. Sam was on the bed now, leaning over to kiss him for the first time in what seemed like forever. Dean melted into the feeling, pulling Sam down into him never wanting it to end or to let go of him.

****

The sleepover plan officially started that same night, at Dean’s cabin. They got Rufus set up with a folded blanket near the fireplace and he seemed content. This time, they removed more of their clothes and had more skin to skin contact. Dean’s hand found its way to the brand on Sam’s flank over and over again.

“Does it hurt when I touch it?” Dean asked.

“No, not like it used to, skin’s kind of dead feeling there now,” Sam said. “Does it bother you, that I’m marked up like this?”

“That’s not what I’m thinking, no, Sammy, not at all. I know it’s probably an awful reminder of what happened to you. But when I look at it, or touch it, all it says to me is my brother is one tough badass survivor.” Dean leaned over and kissed the branded skin gently. “Can you feel that? Is this okay?”

Sam moaned softly, breathy and gorgeous. “Yeah—uh, I can feel you, it’s good.”

“Good, Sammy, that’s good,” Dean said, noticing Sam growing hard. He kissed his way over to where Sam’s hair curled soft between his legs. “Do you want me to?” Dean asked, lips moving over Sam’s pulse.

“I don’t, I’m not…sure if,” Sam said, sounding distressed.

“Hey, hey, it’s not a race, just asking if you want me to—you know, get you off,” Dean said.

“I don’t know if I can, but I want to…so much. Can you suck me, and we’ll see what happens?” Sam asked, his hips pushing up slightly towards where Dean’s lips waited.

Dean licked him slowly, tip to root and back again, watching Sam’s face closely to see if he was wanting him to stop. All he saw was Sam’s face going slack with pleasure, eyes lit up with that light of lust he hadn’t seen in ages. Just like the good old days. Dean closed his mouth over the tip, gently suckling, fingers tracing the vein over Sam’s balls. He seemed like he was ready for more.

Sam groaned, long and loud as Dean sank down further. That seemed like a good enough answer to the unasked question.

***

Over the next few weeks, Sam slowly got used to having his body touched in a respectful, loving way again. And Dean got used to the delight he got in giving Sam pleasure any chance he possibly could. They took turns staying in each other’s cabins, and every night Sam was able to initiate anything sexual was a gift as far as Dean was concerned.

Sam was acting a little strange that night at dinner. It seemed like he had something he was hiding or not talking about. They’d eaten out on Sam’s deck, nothing fancy, but well-prepared with some of the new herbs he’d grown in pots out there. It smelled nice, reminded Dean of the spice aisle at the grocery store. Not that he’d ever get to go in one again.

“You okay?” Dean asked.

“I’m…yeah, I’m good. I’m finally ready, I want to try it—tonight,” Sam said.

“Try what?” Dean asked, guessing and hoping at what Sam probably meant, but wanting—no needing Sam to spell it out.

Sam rolled his eyes and grunted a little in frustration. “I want to try…I want to ride you, Dean.”

Dean’s body launched into instant lust mode, he pressed the heel of his hand to stop himself from getting too hard too fast. “Can’t just say stuff like that, Sammy. Who knows what I’ll do?”

“Hoping you’ll fuck me, you know?” Sam asked with a smile.

“Where, right out here on the deck under the stars?” Dean asked, gesturing up at the night sky.

Without answering, Sam pulled the chair cushions into a long pile, and started removing his clothes. Dean quickly joined him, both of them naked and ready, with the candles on the table the only light besides the stars above. Sam held him, hands going everywhere at once, kissing Dean’s neck in the places Sam knew he’d always lose it the fastest. Dean tried and failed to keep from poking Sam with how hard he was, thankfully Sam took him in hand, jacking him slowly while he kissed Dean deeply until they were both breathless with it. He bent Dean back and back even further in a deep dip, until Sam lowered him the rest of the way to end up on the pillows. He crawled down Dean’s legs backwards, still moving his hand slowly, holding himself spread open above Dean.

It was all happening so fast, Sam wasn’t ready for this was he? Dean’s fingers explored and found him open and wet inside. He was not only ready, he was prepared, such a Sam move.

“You got yourself ready for me?”

“Yeah, are you…ready?” Sam asked.

Dean nodded because he couldn’t manage to form any words. The sight of his beautiful, sex-god of a brother, taking him inside, slowly sinking down with the incredible heat and pressure he’d missed so goddamn much. It was nearly unbearable, but he stopped himself from thrusting up wildly and taking Sam over. Instead he gripped Sam’s hips, pressing them both together with all of his strength.

“Dean, you’re…you’re inside me again,” Sam said, wonder and lust mixing in his voice, his eyes half-closed in pleasure. He began moving his hips, rhythmically pulsing up and down, driving Dean wild with the sheer magic of this combination.

They’d finally found it again, the heat and friction, the power and restraint, all of the opposites matching and combining in them coming together. He didn’t want to stop, but Sam cried out above him, letting loose on his chest, hot and wet. The look Sam gave him sent him over the edge, that depthless love, the endless want, finally satisfied.

****

Once they finally had full-on sex for the first time, it was like a damn bursting. It surprised both of them, how much they wanted each other all the time, everywhere, anytime. Luckily farm animals don’t embarrass easily, and they could hear visitors arriving from a long way away on the gravel road. This time almost seemed like an interlude between scenes, a time removed from regular time, from their normal life. They had each other, and their mutual need, and whatever else there was didn’t really rate worrying about.

Sam’s favorite thing in the world seemed to be interrupting Dean in the middle of chores. He’d drop to his knees in front of Dean, making him stop whatever task he was getting done. Sam would take him deep down his throat, desperate to get Dean to come right that second. Dean would gentle Sam, hands in his hair, holding him back, slowing him down so they could both enjoy it more, make it last, make it better for both of them.

Dean’s favorite thing was messing Sam up so much he’d have to take another shower. There was just something about a wet Sam Winchester coming out of the shower, toweling off, all those water droplets rolling down that beautiful wide back of his. Mmm, irresistible and demanding to be licked off slowly, one by one. Sam would shiver and shake with need, going pliable when Dean’s teeth would latch onto the back of his neck. He’d bend over and let Dean eat him out, begging for more. Dean would open him up slowly, using one of the blended oils they liked for lube, finally slipping into him all in one mind-bending rush. It never ceased to amaze Dean that Sam could come untouched, especially when he would push Dean into the position he needed and then just take himself there. And when Dean had taken longer, and Sam had been to the edge several times it was even more mind-blowing.

It was after one of those times that they got to talking about the past while cuddled up together in the afterglow. Sam was comparing how much Dean loved to cuddle to his other lovers from the past. It was making Dean please and angry to hear how he stacked up, but then Sam started talking about the last dude before Boom Day. It had been a serious relationship, and Dean hadn’t even known. He wanted to run away and sulk, but Sam had him wrapped up in his octopus arms and legs.

”Hold on, hold on, let me get this straight, this guy, the one you were traveling with, Lee Pace, you were thinking of marrying him?” Dean asked.

“Yeah, we’d been in an off and on relationship for a while, and I didn’t tell you about him, because, well you know why. But after the nukes and all we went through to make it to Vegas, he proposed the first night we were there. But then all the awful stuff I told you about happened there, and so we never had a chance to make it official.”

“Was it a hey-we-survived kind of thing, or more of a ‘shrug we’re in Vegas why the hell not’ kinda thing?” Dean asked.

“Neither, kind of both, I don’t know. Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about him, but back then, Dean you were pretty clear that you didn’t want to know about my private life. Lee was there for me, and he got me back on the road to you. So maybe try to think about it that way, okay?”

“Fine, whatever, the guy is dead so no big deal, but it’s weird that I wouldn’t have even known that my brother was almost married…again. Kinda like last time.”

“The last time was a completely different thing and you know it,” Sam said.

“I’m sorry you lost two people you were going to marry,” Dean said. “I wish it had been different for you either time, it’s not fair.”

“I wish you’d ever even had the chance,” Sam said.

“Almost got there, with Lisa,” Dean admitted.

“But then I came back and screwed that up for you,” Sam said.

“No, you saved her from a lot of heartache trying to give me something she didn’t have,” Dean said.

“Lisa was awesome for you, what are you talking about?” Sam asked.

“She was awesome, and she saved my ass you have no idea how many times. But she wasn’t you, she couldn’t be you, and I couldn’t let go of—“ Dean cut himself off.

“That’s why it’s better that we found our way back to each other. Keeps everyone else safe from all our craziness, right?” Sam asked.

“Something like that, yeah,” Dean said.

****

The town of Rhoda gradually accepted Sam, especially after he started up a school along with some of the parents he met at the town meeting. They knew about his successful tutoring of Frank’s kid, and put him in charge. He devoted at least half of his week to the school, and the rest of his time to working the barley, hops and vegetable fields that Dean and he planted. It was backbreaking and hard and he realized that before Boom Day, he’d had no idea what he was taking for granted getting to just choose something off the shelf in a grocery store. But the town rallied, people shared supplies and distributed excess production from their own grows, and it wan’t easy, but it worked because they made it work. What else could they do? A lot of time Sam thought about telling people how well they were doing here, compared to what he had seen in the cities, but he stopped himself. People didn’t need to know about all that awful shit, having to live with that knowledge, it wouldn’t help anyone or fix anything.

Eventually there were some newcomers that passed through town, and then they quickly disappeared. It got talked about a few times at the weekly town meeting, but no one had a clue where they’d gone off to or who they were. A few days later, Blair’s parents went fishing without the twins or Blair. But they didn’t come home as themselves, Ed and Helen were acting strange, and Blair could tell something was up when Ed hit them over the head with the bat they always kept behind the store counter.

Blair knew they must have been knocked out, because when they came to, they’re tied up to the bed frame in their room. The first thing they heard was their mother’s voice, which sounded the same and somehow not.

“This one isn’t worth anything, just kill her,” Helen said.

“Mom, c’mon, what are you doing?” Blair asked, scared out of their mind, because they knew that wasn’t their mom anymore. It sounded like the demon thing Dean had told them about. They wracked their brain trying to remember if he’d said anything about how to get rid of them or get them out of a person. There was something about salt.

“I don’t know why you’re bothering telling me to kill her. You know we’ve got to find Sam Winchester or there’s no point to any of this. We’ll both get sent to the Empty, not even back to Hell, that’s what the boss said, remember?” Blair’s father, Ed said.

“Why the fuck should I care, all those assholes are still back at the prison near Vegas. They don’t give a rat’s ass about this Sam guy anymore, it’s been months and months,” Helen said.

“He’s The Boy King, remember? It’s the whole prophecy thing, that’s how we got back out of Hell after God himself took yet another powder, because Sam Winchester was still here on Earth to save us. Anyway, that’s how the boss tells it, don’t tell me you’ve forgotten that already,” Ed said.

“It’s just fairytales and moonbeams as far as I care, Sam fucking Winchester can fry in Hell or rot in the Empty, I don’t fucking give a shit. I want to get out of this podunk-ass town and back to where the action is. We can just avoid Vegas, go somewhere else, there’s got to be a city that survived, we need to get moving,” Helen said.

“All of that is besides the point, we were told this town was where Dean Winchester lived, and that means his brother will have come here at some point. The boss said they’re like God’s own magnets, they can’t be apart. And this one knows where Dean lives.”

Blair’s father was pointing at them, a horrible sneer on his beloved face. His eyes were tinged with an eerie yellow that didn’t make any sense.

“Look, she knows, she knows! Didn’t you see her face change when I mentioned his name?” Blair’s father asked.

Blair one hundred percent knew that this wasn’t their parents, besides the strange behavior and odd eye coloring, their parents never misgendered them. It had been years and years since Blair had been called she or her by their parents. “I know you’re not my parents, so don’t even bother pretending. I want you to leave them, now!” Blair shouted.

“Honey, we’re not going anywhere. Our last meat suits wore the fuck out just getting here from Nevada, your folks are nice and fancy-fresh. We’ll be keeping them for a long time,” Helen said with a horrible laugh.

“Tell us where Dean Winchester lives, and maybe we won’t possess you too just for the fun of it,” Ed sneered.

“No, I don’t know who you’re talking about! Leave my parents alone!”

“You’re lying, I’m inside your mother, and I know what she knows, oh m what she knows. All about the brothers Winchester, who are still up to their naughty naughty ways and oh my oh my how they’ve hurt her sweet baby child,” Helen said in a sing-song nasty voice.

“If you’re in there reading her mind, then you’d know where Dean lives,” Blair said.

“Aha! I knew you were lying, have some of this to encourage you to spill,” Helen said, drawing a thin knife along Blair’s throat. She ran a thumb over Blair’s skin and then stuck it in her mouth. “Mmmm, this is one tasty little girl.”

Blair could feel the knife cutting through their skin, the blood seeping out from the shallow cut. They tried to hold in the scream of pain, but then their mom pressed the knife into their shoulder. Blair screamed, long and loud, hoping against hope that someone would hear.

Over the noise of their own screaming and the laughter of the two demons in their parents, Blair heard a scuffle of footsteps, like someone running into the store and stopping in the hall near their bedroom. Then they heard a new deep voice shouting some language they didn’t really recognize, Latin maybe? There was a lot of black smoke, what was on fire, Blair would swear it smelled like a candle being snuffed out, it smelled so strongly of sulfur. Demons. Right, Dean had said, salt, and sulfur. Finally, through the pain, Blair realized it was Sam they’d heard yelling in the hallway, he was leaning over them, untying them from their bed and holding a folded up pillowcase to the wound on their shoulder.

“My parents okay?” Blair managed to ask.

“Hold this, keep pressure on it, I’ll check them,” Sam said. He stepped over some dark shapes on the floor. “They’ll be okay, they’ll wake up in a bit and they can tell us what happened.”

“The demons, they said they were looking for you, they’d come from Nevada. Something about how the boss in Vegas had said you were the salvation of demons, the whole Boy King thing you told me about. They were saying you were the reason they were able to get out of Hell.”

“Shit,” Sam said, sitting back on his heels, his hand stroking Blair’s leg. “Shit, shit, shit. I never should have come here.”

“That’s insane, Sam, c’mon, you belong here, Dean needs you,” Blair said.

“No, no, no one needs this, I shouldn’t have brought the danger here to Rhoda. I should have known someone would follow me.”

“Just…don't do anything rash, Dean would kill me if you left or something stupid like that,” Blair said.

“I can’t stay, Dean will understand. It’s too much to ask of everyone, surviving a fucking apocalypse and then to have demons as a surprise dessert. I can’t stay, I have to go, will you be okay, Blair?”

Blair wished more than anything that they had a cellphone right now to get Dean here to round up his dumb brother. But it was just Blair, and they had to stop him, otherwise Dean would never survive. “No, I won’t be, look how much I’m bleeding. You have to take me to Dorothy, she can stitch me up.”

“Fine, but then I’m gonna go,” Sam said.

“What about my parents?” Blair asked.

“You’re right, you are bleeding a lot, Blair we better hurry. Your folks are really out for the count, we can leave a note or something in case they come to,” Sam said. “Where are the twins by the way?”

“Mom told me this morning they were having a sleepover at Frank’s place,” Blair said, as Sam helped them get on their feet. Blair found a notepad on their desk and wrote their parents a note explaining what had happened and where they were going. Blair left it folded in their dad’s front shirt pocket. They were both breathing steadily and didn’t look like they were in pain. The pain from the shoulder stab wound was taking their breath away. They were really really glad that Sam was there. “Thank you, for coming in and saving me by the way.”

“Something told me I needed to be here, I was supposed to be delivering the first batch of hops to your uncle Bill. But I came here first, seemed like the right thing to do,” Sam said.

“Was this like one of your death visions? Did you see me dying or something?” Blair asked, unsteady on their feet as they walked down the sidewalk towards Dorothy’s clinic.

“Not quite, it was a lot more gentle, more like a nudge instead of a sledgehammer instant migraine,” Sam said. “I’m glad I got there in time before they hurt you more or did something even worse.”

“Me too, Sam,” Blair said, “And that’s exactly why you can’t go. We need you here in Rhoda. If the demons found us once, they’ll come again. They knew it was where Dean lived, that’s why they came, said you two were like God’s own magnets.”

Sam barked a laugh at the idea of being magnets. “True, a good description of us. And you’re right, I’m not going to be the one to make Dean move. Where would we go anyway?”

“Better to stay and fight. Help us get ready,” Blair said.

“I’ll think about it, let’s get you fixed up first, okay?” Sam said, opening the door to the clinic. “Dorothy, got a bleeder for you!”

Dorothy popped her head out of the office. “Be right there. Blair, oh no, you get up on the table.”

Sam helped them up onto the paper covered exam table. “I’m going to go back to Dean’s place and tell him what happened. We’ll come back later and explain everything to your folks, okay?”

“Yeah, it’s okay. Go to him, Sam, but you gotta come back too. Promise?” Blair asked.

“Promise,” Sam said, giving them a brief hug. “I’m glad you’re okay.” He looked up as Dorothy approached, “Thanks, Doc.” He left through the door at a flat out run back towards Blair’s family’s store.

Dorothy flipped on the exam light and put a pair of gloves on. “What the heck is going on? And what in the world have we got here?”

“Uh…a stab wound, long story,” Blair said.

“You and Sam finally get into it?” Dorothy asked.

“Nah, nothing like that. Has to do with the out of towners from last week. Long story, kinda hard to believe,” Blair said.

“Well, I’ve got plenty of time, this is going to take a bit of time, you’re going to need interior and exterior stitches.”

Blair grimaced as Dorothy checked their range of motion and thought hard towards Dean and Sam, wishing with all their might that Sam wouldn’t do anything stupid like run.

***

Sam untied Poppy from the fence near the store, he mounted up and set her off back home, back to Dean as fast as she could take him. She seemed to sense his urgency and went faster than he remembered her going anytime before.

Dean looked up from where he was fixing the side of the barn at Sam and Poppy’s wild approach.

“Whoah, whoah, where’s the fire? Wait, there’s not a fire, right?” Dean asked, instantly worried by the expression on Sam’s face.

“Demons, there were demons inside Helen and Ed. Blair’s okay now,” Sam said all in a rush.

“What the hell, Sam? Okay now, what happened to them, why were you even there?” Dean asked.

“I got this idea that I needed to go to their store before I headed out to Bill’s place with the hops delivery. I heard Blair’s parents yelling and Blair screaming. Then I heard what they were saying to Blair. Luckily I remembered the exorcism and it worked on them. Ed and Helen are okay, and Blair is at Dorothy’s getting stitched up, the assholes stabbed them in the shoulder.”

“Shit, what the fuck are demons doing here in Rhoda of all places?” Dean asked.

“Looking for you, because they figured that was where I would be. Called us ‘God’s own magnets’. Guess they must have tracked me all the way here from Vegas,” Sam said. “They were talking about me being the Boy King and how I was the reason they were able to get out of Hell again.”

“And let me guess, now you feel like you need to leave just to keep the town safe?”

“Well, it makes sense,” Sam said.

“No it doesn’t make any fucking sense! Dude, if they came here once, they’ll come again, right? Why would you want to leave all of the people in town completely unprotected by just taking off?” Dean asked.

“So, stay and fight and risk everyone?” Sam countered. “I just don’t want to endanger everyone even more than they have been. It was bad enough getting through an apocalypse but to have demons on top of it is too much to ask of all these people…and you. I don’t want them to come for you, Dean. If I go, and make a big stink out there somewhere else, they’ll probably leave you and Rhoda alone.”

“No, no way, Sam, I can’t just let you run away with who knows how many demons on your tail, that’s not happening.”

“And I’m not staying here and watching them rip you and everyone you care about apart limb from limb. You know how demons are—dumb and relentless. It’s not gonna end.”

“Then I’m coming with you,” Dean said.

“No, we don’t have anywhere to go, and I can’t make you leave all this, I just can’t do it, Dean. Not with how bad I know it can get out there. If it was that bad six months ago, who knows how the rest of the western US is doing.”

“We’re staying, and we’re fighting,” Dean said. “End of story. And if it takes nailing your ass to the barn door, I’m doing it. I can’t lose you again, Sam. You can’t leave me again, you promised me.”

“I did, I know I did, Dean, you’re right,” Sam said, curling into Dean’s arms. “I can’t do it, I don’t want to. But we have to keep everyone safe. You didn’t see them, Ed and Helen, it was awful what they did to Blair. What they said to them was even worse.”

“We’ll explain it to everyone, Ed and Helen can help us. We’ll make those protective charms we had at first, the one’s Bobby gave us, remember, before we got the tattoos?”

“What, we’re going to line everyone in town up for an anti-possession tattoo?” Sam asked.

“If that’s what it takes, then yeah, Roddy needs the work anyway,” Dean said.

“He’s the retired tattoo guy, used to work on Frank’s grow, right?” Sam asked. “You think he’s up to tattooing a whole town full of people all at once?”

“He can train someone or something, it’ll work out,” Dean said.

“I promised Blair we’d come back into town, explain everything to their folks. You’ve never been possessed by a demon, but you’ve seen the aftermath.”

“Yeah, it ain’t pretty,” Dean agreed.

“Yes, it totally sucks, and it’s very confusing too, especially if you don’t even know that possession is a thing that can happen,” Sam said. “Maybe we can get Roddy in on the conversation too, get him on our side from the beginning.”

“So you’re not leaving?” Dean asked.

“No, I’m not, like you said, I made you a promise that I'd stay for good. And—maybe more importantly, I don’t want to go, Dean.”

“You don’t?” Dean asked, heart in his throat at Sam’s words.

“I love being here, being with you,” Sam said.

Dean grabbed him and pulled him in close for a hug that he hoped said everything he should have been saying out loud.

“So…guess that means you’re okay with me staying?” Sam chuckled into the top of Dean’s head.

Dean pretended to sock him in the stomach, but ended up just staying in his brother’s arms, being in the hug even longer than usual. Demons, Boy King, all that shit again. He didn’t want Sam to have to deal with it at all. The kid needed a damn break, at some point, something would have to give.

***

Over the next few months, every resident of Rhoda got their anti-possession tattoo, and they got their demon fighting training as well. Large quantities of salt were procured and distributed and the exorcism was memorized by all. Ed and Helen were the voices of experience, the people of Rhoda trusted them, knew them from before everything had changed. So when they haltingly explained what it was like to be invaded and taken over by that oily black smoke, people believed them.

The main thing to Dean was that Sam didn’t leave. Just like he had promised, and even more importantly, now that he knew for sure that Sam had chosen him over something else ‘out there’, Dean was finally able to let himself be content. The choices they’d each made had always led them back to each other, but this time, it seemed like it wasn’t just a choice made in the moment or just because of the circumstances. It was more like both of them accepting the partnership and relationship as what their life had been meant for. They’d spent all this time, resisting and fighting against that obvious truth. There was contentment and peace and a whole lot of love now, but it wasn’t an easy thing to get used to, after a whole lifetime of waiting for the other shoe to drop, it took some adjustment.

*****

One evening out on the porch of Dean’s cabin, he was sitting comfortably inside the vee of Dean’s legs, the cup of the last of the whisky they were sharing now almost empty. He could hear Poppy munching on the grass nearby and the muttering of the chickens as they scrabbled in the gravel of the pathway. The wind soughed through the tops of the redwood trees, building in intensity and setting all the old needles to spin through the air. The sun was almost done setting and it was finally starting to cool off after the hot afternoon.

It hit Sam all of sudden, he’d finally gotten what he’d been searching for, all that time pushing himself to make here back to Dean. This moment was what he’d been holding out hope for even in his lowest moments in the Reno casino, where he’d barely been human.

“You okay, Sammy?” Dean asked.

Sam hadn’t even noticed that he was shaking from trying to hold back the tears of relief that were threatening to spill over. An immense feeling of relief that he’d made it, mostly in one piece back to Dean. “Yeah, sometimes it just hits me that I’m actually here, and you’re safe. I really made it.”

“Yeah you did, and _we’re_ safe. You and me, little brother, you and me.”

***

Happily ever after—not exactly, not even close, but at least they were together, and they were prepared as they could be if the demons ever came back. Leave it at that. Good enough had to be good enough.

_~FIN~_


End file.
